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I stare at the trunk with our belongings thrown there in a rush as I hear Liam sobbing, tears stinging my own eyes. I finally will myself to look at him, and it breaks my heart for the millionth time that day.
I bend down so we’re eye to eye, taking one of his hands in one of mine. I wipe my dripping nose.
“Honey, I am so sorry,” I say, “I never meant to scare you.”
Which is true. Everything in my life—every action, every decision—has been in an effort to keep Liam safe and loved.
And, in one shitty moment, I make him feel both unsafe and unloved. Lucy is probably regretting her decision to leave Liam in my care right about now.
“I don’t understand it either, honey, but it’s time that we get back to our own lives, okay?” I say, wiping a tear from his cheek. “Now,” I say, trying to sound cheerful when I feel anything but, “let’s go get some ice cream, and I’ll try to answer your questions, hmm?”
Liam sighs and in a quiet voice says, “Okay.”
It’s like I’ve broken his spirit, but I don’t know if it’s because I yelled at him, or because I’m taking him away from this house with all its cool features. Or because he thinks he’s not going to see Brady again.
We climb into the car, and I realize that the way I felt lashing out at Liam—that it wasn’t him but the hurt, confused feelings I had—was maybe the same way that Brady felt lashing out at me. I’m not the one he’s angry at.
But no, that’s not true. Brady is angry at me.
And he has every right to be. I’m the one who’s been lying to him every day since we met. Fuck, I stayed in his house with his son without ever telling him who Liam was.
As we drive away, we’re both quiet, deep in our own thoughts. I catch a glimpse of something in the rearview mirror. It’s the brown football sitting on the front lawn, getting smaller as we drive away until it disappears from sight.
I look over at Liam, and it kills me all over again. Whatever might have happened between Brady and me, whatever feelings might have been beginning to blossom between us, is irrelevant. Liam is the one who stands to lose the most.
And I’m the only one to blame.
