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I’ll admit, I still feel a flush of heat at that last one.
Ten minutes until I’m supposed to meet up with my fiancé, and I’m practically wet at the thought of another man.
I’m the fucking worst.
And then there’s the matter of the actual wedding.
Can I even marry Eggs?
Did Lock and I go through with our own wedding?
My thoughts spin rapidly in circles, threatening to drive me mad.
I may or may not already be married. How am I supposed to go see Eggs?
I have no idea how I’ll even begin to explain this to him. Or, for that matter, if I should.
I revisit the memory of the monastery again. Reliving every detail: the tattoo, the blowjob. It’s like I’m there again.
Mostly though, I focus on the end.
On Lock, yelling for me to marry him, and me, the one down on my knees.
I still can’t believe that I said yes.
In the memory, though, I was so sure. That’s what really throws me.
I wanted to marry him.
To be his.
I don’t think that Eggs even crossed my mind.
Don’t even get me started on my guilt over that one.
I unlock my phone screen again, entering the name of the restaurant into my GPS. The one that Eggs is probably sitting at right now.
Waiting for me.
My phone responds immediately.
Ten minutes away.
I could make it. Hell, I’d actually even be on time.
My hand hesitates over the throttle, though, my heart picking up speed at the very thought of going there.
Lock’s words echo through my mind, stirring up thoughts I’d rather not ponder on.
Things like whether or not I’m just playing it safe by marrying Eggs.
Questions about my love for him.
I can see now that a large part of my life has been constructed purely for appearance. I’m just not sure exactly how much.
I sit for another minute, repeatedly running the same ground in my mind, getting no closer to any real answers.
I can practically feel my futures being divided, lines being drawn for all the possibilities there are.
Finally, I give up the ghost, starting the bike up again and pulling out onto the road.
I still have no idea where I’m going, but I feel sure I’ll know what to do when I arrive.
