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I reach a hand out slowly to the tiger, and he scoots his head beneath it, indicating he wants his head scratched. He’s actually just a giant fucking house cat, and it’s adorable now that I know he’s not trying to murder me.
“Percy,” I ask, “why are you and Sammi handcuffed to the towel bar?”
“Great question! I’ll let you know when I fucking remember,” she snips back.
“Hey, hey, I was just asking. Apparently, things got a little out of hand, and I need to know what everyone remembers,” I explain.
“Alittleout of hand?” Sammi clarifies. “There’s a show tiger in our bathroom, and we’re fixed to a bar. A little is an understatement.”
“God, that’s not even everything,” I comment.
“Oh? What are we missing?” Percy asks.
“Mysti May and Brendon slept together last night,” Becky blurts, delivering the news I didn’t want to admit.
“About fucking time!” Sammi and Percy both shout together. They look at one another. “Jinx!”
“Oh, cut it out. It’s not okay! I’m getting married today, guys. What the fuck am I supposed to say to Norbert? And what’shesupposed to say to his fiancée?”
“Uh, how about you both tell them goodbye and just marry each other?” Sammi suggests.
I give her a death glare.
“You’re not helping,” I snap.
“Yeesh, don’t be so touchy,” she replies.
“Well, sorry. My whole life just kind of whipped around, and I’m not handling it well,” I admit.
“Mysti May, there’s a reason you slept with Brendon. Youhavecrushed on him so hard for so long—”
“Ew!” Becky shouts. “Remember, this is my brother, guys. It’s weird.”
“Come on, Becky. He’s a fucking hottie to the rest of us. You’re gonna have to get over it,” Percy lays out.
I stare at her with wide eyes, my mouth hanging open.
God, everyone is so on edge this morning. Maybe it’s the pounding in my head from the crazy amount of alcohol.
Fuck. I told Norbert I wasn’t even going to drink. I have so much explaining to do.
“I just don’t know how I could go and hurt Norbert like this,” I say, trying to reason with them. “He’s going to hate me. God,Ihatemeright now. I mean, really,howcould I do this?”
I switch between patting the tiger and scratching his neck; his demand for attention is unwavering despite my shitty plight.
“Mysti, it’s going to be fine,” Becky says to me, smiling and giving me the same spiel I gave to her.
Somehow, it’s not as comforting when I’m the target.
“I know how,” Percy says. “Brendon’s fucking hot.”
“Still! Even if heishot, why couldn’t I just keep it in my pants, guys?”
“Maybe you’ve been looking for the right guy to keep it in your pants for?” Sammi suggests.
Goddammit.They aren’t helping.
I breathe in deep and exhale a long, heavy sigh.
“Never mind why right now. I’m done thinking about it,” I demand. “What I really need to know is how the fuck did it even happen? And what the hell did we do last night to get to this?”
The four of us look at one another, grimacing as we travel deep into our memories, trying to make anything useful surface.
I don’t know about them, but so far, I’m drawing a fucking blank.
