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This tub wasn’t used for a margarita bath, but I don’t know what to make of this scene.
“Hey, y’all,” I yell. “GUYS!”
I slowly back out of the bathroom before I get stabbed by the teeny, tiny swords.
“Whoa, sex toys already?” Sammi jokes as she passes Dr. Tongue where I threw him on the floor. “But you and Brendon just started your relationship. You should still be in the honeymoon phase.”
“Just come in here before I have a heart attack, please,” I say. I don’t turn her way, just wave her toward me. It’s probably best not to turn my back on…them.
“What’s all the fuss in…here…?” Sammi says, coming to a dead stop in my back. She looks over my shoulder to see what I’m seeing. “Are those…?”
“Yep,” I say, nodding my head in disbelief. “Lobsters.”
“Armedlobsters,” Sammi corrects me. “But I don’t think those little cocktail swords could actually hurt us.”
“Kinda not the point, Sam,” I say, closing the door on that shitshow, at least for now. “Did you find anything?”
We head back to the living room to see what Percy and Becky discovered.
“Yeah, a policeman’s badge,” Sammi holds it up. “I can’t say I’m terribly surprised that the cops were here last night.”
Percy takes the badge from her and starts laughing—like, actually cackling. She’s laughing so hard she collapses on the couch.
“What’s so funny, Perce?” Sammi asks as she sits down beside her.
“It’s not a real badge, you loon,” Percy says as she hands me the badge.
“Yeah, it is,” Sammi argues. “That’s a real name.”
I look down at the badge, then over at Sammi, then to Percy. I start laughing, which starts Percy up all over again.
“I don’t get it,” Sammi says. “Mike Oxlong. That’s a real name!”
“Say his name again,” I say through laughter.
“Mike Oxlong?” Sammi says in a confused tone. “Guys, what am I missing?”
“The joke!” Percy and I say in unison.
“Say it all together,” Percy instructs. “As one word. You’ll get it.”
“Eventually,” I say, rolling my eyes.
“Mikeoxlong. Mikeoxlong,” Sammi says. Percy and I cheer her on as she gets closer, until finally, “My cock’s long! For fuck’s sake!”
“There it is,” Percy says, clapping her hands in Sammi’s direction.
“Ha ha,” Sammi says, then turns to flip us off.
We’re still laughing when Becky comes into the room, holding…something gold?
“Look what was lodged under Liam. He has teeth marks from this damn thing!” she says as she’s holding up what I swear is a pair of gold teeth. Not one or two teeth, but a whole set.
“Is Flava Flav walking around Vegas without his teeth?!” Percy asks. She gently takes the teeth from Becky, turning them around in her hands. “What would I look like with grills?”
She’s just about to put them in her mouth when Becky feels compelled to tell her, “You know they’re used, right?”
“Ugh, gross!” Percy yells, throwing the teeth on the coffee table.
