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He thought for a moment about how Charlotte would feel about Patsy. Without a doubt he knew the two of them would become friends, forming a barrier against the outside world that had treated them so poorly.
Patsy was never able to find love and encouragement after her return from slavery. And that’s exactly what she’d been. A slave to several men who passed her around, sharing her sexual favors. Without that love and support she’d needed so badly from someone other than him, she hadn’t been able to bear to stay in the world who saw her so poorly.
Earl couldn’t stop thinking about his last conversation with her. She’d tried to call off their wedding.
“We can’t get married, Earl. No one in this town will ever see me as anything but a fallen woman. They look at me and imagine the different men I’ve been with, and they think so much less of me.”
“Then we’ll go get some land from Uncle Sam. I hear there’s still plenty of land out west, free for anyone who is willing to stake their claim and prove up their property. I’ve been looking into it. I know that if we’re away from people who know you, we’re going to have a perfect marriage.”
He tried to kiss her, but she’d turned her head. “That’s not the only problem. I don’t know if I could be with another man after the way they…treated me.”
“I’m not them. I’ll give you as much time as you need.” He gazed deeply into her troubled brown eyes. “Patsy, you know we can be happy, if we can just get away from the people in this town who think so little of you.”
“I don’t know why you don’t think little of me.” She shook her head. “I’m going away for the weekend to the shore with my mother and sisters. I’ll do a lot of thinking there, and I hope I can come to some conclusions about what I need to do with my life.”
“I don’t know why you’re questioning this all of a sudden,” Earl said, feeling like she was taking back her words of love, and her vow to be his wife.
“It’s not all of a sudden. I’ve always questioned it. I remember telling you when you asked me to marry you that I wasn’t sure we could make it work. Remember?” Her hand had gone to his cheek, and he could tell she was trying to soften the blow.
He frowned. “When you come back, you’ll feel better about everything. You know how much you’ve always loved the ocean.”
She smiled, but it was a sad smile. “I have always loved the ocean.” She stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. “I do love you with everything inside of me.”
“And I love you. See? It’s working out already.”
It was the last time he’d seen her. Other than her funeral of course, but he hadn’t seen her then. Just the cold box that they’d buried her in.
He liked to pretend that last conversation had never happened between them. That they’d been in love, and everything was going to be perfect. Looking back at it, he knew better.
Of course, he could see everything clearly now. But then…he’d been so sure their love could heal any wounds she bore from her ordeal.
The news of her death had shaken him to the core. He couldn’t help but wonder if she’d drowned herself to keep him from feeling the hurt of her refusal to marry him. Of course, that wouldn’t be the only reason, but Patsy had been through so much, and she’d been unsure she could ever live a normal life. She’d said even her sisters looked at her strangely, as if they didn’t know the woman she’d become.
And Earl had ignored it all, convinced that he could heal her. But it wasn’t possible. He didn’t know details of the year and a half she’d been gone, and he didn’twantto know. The way she’d been treated had been beyond anything a woman should experience.
He finished milking Sally and walked toward the house, wondering what on earth he should say to Charlotte. Patsy was his past, and Charlotte was his future, but sometimes he felt as if Patsy’s ghost stood right between them. Perhaps telling her that would help, but…He knew she was grieving as well.
Once inside, he realized the house was completely quiet, and thought Charlotte must have gone to bed. He poured the milk into a pitcher and put the pitcher into the ice box.
When he turned away from the ice box, there she was, standing in the middle of the kitchen. “I’m sorry if you felt like I was trying to push you into something you weren’t ready for,” Charlotte said softly. She was in her nightgown, but he could see how red her eyes were. She’d been crying, and it was his fault.
“You did nothing wrong. I feel so much for you, but it’s passion. It’s not love like I felt for Patsy, and I feel like I’m betraying her for even considering marrying another woman.”
Charlotte nodded. “I’ve spoken a lot about Howard. Why don’t you tell me about Patsy?” She took his hand and led him into the parlor, sitting beside him on the sofa, ready to listen. “What did she look like?”
“She was the most beautiful girl in all of Beckham. Her hair was brown, as were her eyes. I swear she looked like someone who had just stepped out of a storybook. When she got back from what I like to term her ordeal, she had a scar on her forehead, near her hairline. It was the only way she was different physically.”
Charlotte gripped his hand tightly, knowing this conversation was difficult for him. “How did she get the scar?”
He looked at her for a moment, startled. “I don’t know. I never thought to ask. I just kissed the scar, and I told her our love would mend all her scars.”
She frowned. “How long was she back before you began courting her?”
“We were courting before she was taken, and then as soon as she came back, we resumed our relationship, of course. I knew that people didn’t think much of her, so I asked her to marry me. I knew if she was in a good relationship, people wouldn’t look down on her the way they did.”
Charlotte shook her head. “It doesn’t work that way.”
“I know that now. She came to me to break off our engagement right before she left with her family to go to the coast. It was always her favorite thing to do, be near the ocean, and her family would go for a week every summer. She told me that she didn’t think it would work for her to be married at all, but I argued with her. I told her that our love could fix everything wrong with her.”
