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Chapter Fifteen
Hattie had no clue what a peck on the nose meant beyond a disappointingly chaste gesture which still left her feeling flat the following evening. Especially as, for a split second, she had been convinced Jasper had intended a more romantic sort of kiss which she would have welcomed had his lips not suddenly changed direction at the last moment.
Fortunately—or unfortunately because she was still in two minds about it—she had mustered the strength from somewhere to stop herself from dragging him back and kissing him properly herself. Aside from being presumptuous and unladylike, although neither of those things had particularly bothered her in the moment, it was her inexperience and lack of confidence in her body which had prevented her from finishing what she had been convinced he had intended to start.
But had he really, or was she merely hoping he had so much she’d imagined it?
And therein lay the crux of the matter.
Somewhere in their short reacquaintance, he had gone from being a person she was worried about to someone she cared about. That she could be herself with Jasper was the icing on the cake. Around him, she never felt like an ugly, lame, old hag—to paraphrase Jim—and that was because Jasper never ever treated her as if she was broken. While she did not agree with all of young Jim’s angry summary of her body—because she wasn’t ugly, at least not above the waist at any rate, and at twenty she was a long way off old—she was lame and she was no longer perfect and just because Jasper enjoyed her as a friend did not mean that he found her attractive in other ways.
She might be inexperienced in romantic relations, but even she knew there was an ocean of difference between liking a member of the opposite sex and liking them. The latter, from what she could make out, involved heated looks and lingering glances. Lust and longing, and while she was now categorically experiencing both for Jasper, she could secretly swoon for him as much as she wanted but it was no guarantee he would swoon back.
Besides, he was, without a doubt, a man of the world. One who likely did have more notches on his bedpost than she had had hot dinners, exactly as Freddie had cautioned. He was also a handsome and charming devil who could still have his pick of women. He might well currently be the scandalous owner of a notorious gentlemen’s club and about to be a worse scandal once the news of Izzy leaked out, but he was also a wealthy peer and the heir to a dukedom and such things tended to overrule society’s most fervent objections given time. Hattie sincerely doubted there was a debutante this Season who would rebuff his advances if he made any, and she remembered with the utmost clarity how successful a flirt he could be as she had witnessed it plenty of times in the past while never ever being on the receiving end of it.
Even recently, at the two social functions he had assisted her at, while he had flirted shamelessly with Annie, Kitty, Dorothea, Hattie’s mother and half of all the other ladies he had briefly collided with, it had never once occurred to him to flirt with her. That not insignificant detail spoke volumes so, with that in mind, she probably had misread the apparent signals last night. For surely a man on the cusp of romantically kissing a woman would have no issue flirting with her first?
And then, of course, he had just done the unthinkable and felt her dratted leg as he had helped her off the wall, so knew the limp was the tip of the iceberg. As he had manoeuvred her calf and her ankle to safety, he had to have felt the misshapen bone, the wasted muscle and the scars. Even two thick layers of woollen stockings could not hide those and Hattie had foolishly worn silk in deference to the warmth of May, and silk was too thin to hide anything. Therefore, she was not surprised he might have been repulsed by it—because she certainly was—and even if he had been on the cusp of kissing her, she understood why he might have rapidly come to his senses. Which altogether made it unsurprising that he had pecked her nose and then hightailed it back over the wall as if the snarling hounds of hell were after him.
One thing was for certain—if he never mentioned the awkward incident again, neither would she. Least said, soonest mended, and she would rather have him as a platonic friend in her life than not in her life at all...
‘Are you aware that you are muttering and pulling faces?’ Opposite her in the carriage, Annie was staring at her as if she had gone mad. ‘For if you are not you might want to talk to Dr Cribbs as you are clearly losing your marbles.’
‘She has been very distracted all day.’ Kitty wiggled her brows. ‘I caught her sighing and staring out of the drawing room windows after breakfast.’
‘If I didn’t know better, I would say she was in love,’ added her mother with a wink at the rest of them, oblivious that her innocent teasing had actually struck a nerve. ‘She has that air about her, don’t you think? But alas, it cannot possibly be that as she refuses to meet anyone no matter how many eligible gentlemen her brother throws her way.’ It was meant as a flippant chastisement because her mother despaired of her lack of interest in the press-ganged bachelors on offer and she wanted her happily married, but the comment still made Hattie’s cheeks heat. Because she never missed an opportunity to torment her, Annie, of course, noticed this straight away.
‘Oh, my goodness, she’s blushing!’ Her twin reached over to prod her cheek, so Hattie swatted the accusing finger away. ‘Perhaps there is a man she has her beady eyes on after all.’
‘If there was, I would need opera glasses to see him from the wallflower chairs.’ Hattie schooled her features into her most peeved mask. ‘The only one who pursues me with any fervour is Lord Boredom, and frankly I wouldn’t have him if we were the last two people left on earth. But if you must know and you are genuinely interested in the reasons for my current distracted mood, the cause is a vexing male.’
‘I knew it!’ shouted Kitty and Annie in unison.
‘Vexing does sound promising.’ This time her mother winked at her father in her trademark mischievous manner. ‘I have always found you extremely vexatious, dear.’
‘As have I you.’ Her father smiled back at his wife soppily.
Annie pulled a disgusted face at both their parents before prodding her again. ‘What is his name then? Which one of Freddie’s acquaintances has caught your much too picky eye?’
‘His name is Jim.’ Hattie rolled her eyes to give gravitas to that lie. ‘And before you all start bouncing around and shaking the carriage in your excitement, he is a ten-year-old patient at the infirmary and not a suitor. One who has suffered a similar injury to mine but who has endured far more in other ways.’
As that truth felt much more solid, she continued, glad that her quick thinking had calmed her teasing family completely. ‘I am trying and failing to convince him he needs his leg broken again so that it can be reset and he can walk. But nothing I have said and done so far has worked. That is also why I am at the infirmary so much at the moment.’ Thank goodness they were in a carriage and not a church as Hattie deserved smiting for all her copious recent falsehoods. ‘But I am determined to wear his stubbornness down if it is the last thing I do.’
‘Oh, the poor thing.’ Her mother patted her knee, all thought of a mystery suitor banished now. ‘But well done you for persevering. If anyone can convince him, it will be you, Hattie. Nothing defeats you when you set your mind to it.’
‘Thank you, Mama...’ Clearly she was the world’s worst daughter, but when opportunity knocked, you had to let it in. ‘To that end, I have decided to redouble my efforts. The more hours I put in at his bedside, the more chances I have at success.’ That was almost the truth because she had decided that was the best course of action to win over Jim. Just in case the Almighty also realised half of those extra hours would likely be spent with Jasper and Izzy, she quickly checked outside the carriage window for a thunderbolt from the heavens. ‘It is for his own good.’
‘It is, dearest, and I am sure he will thank you for your tenacity one day soon.’ Then her mother cupped her cheek, tears in her eyes. ‘We are all so proud of you, Hattie. So many people would have given up after all you went through, but not my daughter. She not only fought tooth and nail for her own recovery but now she fights for others too. You are a credit to this family, darling.’
The overwhelming guilt made her toes curl, but she managed a smile, and thanked her lucky stars that the carriage finally lurched to a stop outside the Duchess of Laindon’s town house.
Inside, Hattie made short work of removing her cape and losing her family, and instead made her way to the empty wallflower chairs well before the dancing started. At least that way, she hoped she was making her own statement, that she was here by choice rather than drifting here despondent and ignored when every other debutante was claimed by a partner. She was about to lower her bottom on to one, when a sound came from behind.
‘Psst!’She turned towards it and then gaped at the unexpected sight of Jasper partially hidden behind a potted palm in the alcove.
‘What are you doing here?’
With his finger to his lips, he glanced around him like a spy then ushered her over. As soon as she was within arm’s length he tugged her behind the palm too and grinned. ‘Rather than burn this house to the ground as you requested, I’ve had the most brilliant idea.’ His green eyes were dancing in a much too disarming fashion, reminding her of all the things she found attractive about him and sending her silly pulse racing. ‘Because good friends are there beside you no matter what, I’ve finally worked out a way to save you from both Lord Boredom and the crushing boredom of the wallflower chairs without breaking any of Freddie’s rules.’
