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“I do. I’m sore all over and my head is fuzzy and I just…it’s like my feelings are tired. I’m sad and achy and everything feels hard.”
She was getting teary just thinking about it but crying seemed exhausting.
“That’s probably from the drugs. They can mess with your brain chemistry, flood your system with all the good chemicals and then when they go back to normal, it doesn’t feel normal.”
“Like sub-drop times a hundred.”
“That sounds about right, princess.”
“Do you know who did it? Who drugged me?”
The thought made her gag. It was bad enough to be violated in that way, to have the security of your body and control over your behavior stripped from you. She’d hated Professor Teufel for compromising the sanctity of her body too, for denying her consent and potentially ruining her entire career. This was worse in some ways since she didn’t know who had done it. At least with Teufel she had a picture to throw mental darts at, a target for her rage and despair.
But this? Someone was just out there who hated her enough to drug her and she still didn’t understand why. What had she ever done to anyone?
Arthur’s gaze was assessing. Green eyes behind those black frames, his mouth tight with strain.
Saoirse grabbed his wrist and stopped him from petting her hair any more. He couldn’t keep this from her. She wasn’t delicate, something to be locked up and shielded from the world. Some of the time anyway. Right now that’s not what she wanted. She wanted all the information, dammit, and he was going to give it to her.
“Do you know? Do you know and you’re not telling me?”
Her daddy sighed. “Princess, I—”
“If you know and you don’t tell me I’ll never forgive you,” she threatened.
“I have an idea but can’t it wait until you’re feeling better? You’re already dealing with so much and I don’t want to make it any worse.”
Saoirse felt like flames might come out of her head. The Sullivan temper didn’t often rear its fiery head in her, not like it did in her mother, but it was coming out now.
“No, it can’t wait. I want to know now. I’m not fragile, Arthur.”
He slipped his wrist from her grasp and folded his hands in his lap, respecting her desire to not be touched even though she ached for the comfort.
“I know you’re not. You’re so strong and so brave and just remarkable. You are the opposite of fragile, and I don’t mean to imply that you’re weak. I don’t believe that for a second. But what you are is precious. To me. So I hope you won’t blame me for trying to protect the most important person in my life for as long as I can.”
Oh. That word “precious” still killed her, still made her shy away and feel self-conscious, but it also felt like love. He said it all the time, that he loved her, but she’d always taken it lightly before. And now without Arthur having said it at all, she felt the weight of his love surround her like her heavy blanket. Warm, secure, comforting.
“I appreciate that, but I need to know. I won’t be able to relax thinking there’s someone out there who would do that to me and I don’t know who or why so I have no way of defending myself. I know you will, but I can’t handle feeling that out of control.”
“Alright, princess. I understand. I do. And I’ll respect your wishes.”
She reached out and laid her hand over his and he offered a wan smile. One that said he didn’t want to, but he respected her enough to trust her word over his own judgment. That was part of the reason she’d been able to hand herself over to him; because when it was important and she insisted, he would always listen.
“I need to gather some more evidence before we make any official accusations, but let me ask you something. Did you mention that Professor Teufel had assaulted you to David?”
“You know, I did. Mom made me when I told her what happened. Since David is a lawyer too. He does mostly like mergers and acquisitions and financial stuff but his firm has represented people being sued for sexual harassment.”
“Did you tell him it was Teufel or did you just say it had happened without mentioning any names?”
Saoirse thought back, sifting through memories. Thinking that hard made her head ache. Hopefully Doctor Eric would let her have some medicine to make her feel better. This might be worse than alcohol withdrawal although hopefully it wouldn’t last nearly as long.
“I don’t think I said it was him, but I might’ve said it was the law review advisor. Why?”
“Because last night at the party, David was wearing some unusual cufflinks and when I commented on them, he said they were a gift from his prep school for a big donation. Armory Hill Academy.”
“Okay. What does David’s boarding school have to do with me being drugged?”
“I wouldn’t have thought anything, except I had this gnawing in the back of my head that I’d heard the name recently, or read it somewhere. And when you’d told me about Teufel, I did some digging. David and Mark Teufel were classmates, Saoirse. Teufel was a couple years ahead of David but they were both on the crew team. No way they wouldn’t have known each other there.”
