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After a couple of years she’d stopped worrying because he would either keep her forever or he’d kill her. Bury her in the backyard and find a new slave to torment. It wasn’t all torment though. Sometimes he could be kind. And honestly, that was harder to take than the abuse. Because it would hurt so much worse the next time he punched her in the face or kicked her in the stomach.
Cosima sat up, vomited, and swiped at the sour bile left on the corner of her mouth with the back of her hand while she tried to stop her surroundings from spinning. As best she could see, there was a forest to one side of her and a hill covered with brush to the other. There was noise and lights coming from the hill side so she tried to stand to go look. She stumbled and fell though, and from her sprawled position she wondered what she would do even if there was a road there.
What was she even wearing? It’s not as though she had clothes. Well, she did, but they were all leather and latex and lace and other fetish-y things, nothing appropriate for out in the world. She would imagine anyway, unless things had changed so drastically. Could’ve for all she knew. She wasn’t allowed to watch television or be on the internet or even look at catalogues so she had no idea what things were like outside of what Master had told her. Who knew if he’d told the truth? Probably not. It was another way to control her, to be her entire world.
Cosima looked down at herself and a pastel blue floral print poked at something buried deep in her memories. When she managed to dig it out, she sniffed and her eyes watered. If she wasn’t imagining things—which Master accused her of all the time—this was the dress she’d worn when she ran away from home to live with him. She’d only known him a few blissful, whirlwind weeks of meeting in secret but she’d been so certain… Look where that had gotten her. And her feet were bare.
Where would she even go? Her hand went to her throat to fondle the dog tag Master had put on her collar. “Master’s Property” it said, and he’d told her it had his address on the other side though he hadn’t let her see it. But the tag wasn’t there, nor was the metal band it had been fastened to.
He’d taken her collar.
Master never took her collar off—ever. He’d put a lock on it and made her watch as he threw the keys into a lake by the cabin he took her to occasionally. That more than anything had made her feel resigned to her fate—that life with Master was the only life she had left.
This wasn’t a punishment. Maybe he’d meant for her to die here in a ditch by the side of the road. Why should she go back to that hell anyway? Except Master was the only thing she knew, the only thing she had, and no one else would want her. Why would anyone help her? If she could even make it up the hill between here and the road which seemed as insurmountable as Mount Everest from this vantage point.
She wouldn’t be able to get a job or a place to live. She couldn’t even get something to eat because she didn’t have a cent. The only phone number and address she remembered from before were her parents’ and it’d been eight years. Would they still live there? Have that phone number? If they did, why would they want to see her? She couldn’t imagine they would. She’d left without a word and never come back. She didn’t even know if they’d looked for her when she’d disappeared.
There was nothing in this world for her. She was a nobody who had nothing, trash that had been dumped by the side of the road to die, and why shouldn’t she just do that?
Except her will was strong. Even Master had said so. Berated her for it, beat her for it, because he’dbelievedit.
Cosima wasn’t going to die. Not here, not now. Of course that didn’t solve the problem of what shewasgoing to do, but she’d figure that out once she got to the top of the hill. Or die trying.
