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Chapter Twenty-Seven
Eric wasn’t a violent man. But what he wouldn’t give to have been able to sucker punch that motherfucker, drop him in his own driveway.
Or hell, it didn’t have to be him throwing the punch. Where was Ian? He’d deck Carter Bishop but good and Hudson probably wouldn’t even scold him for starting a fight. The big guy was very protective of bottoms and subs and especially littles he considered to be under his jurisdiction. Eric didn’t doubt for a second that Devy had made it into that club.
But whatever. He’d glower and bear any ridiculous shit Carter had to say to him because at the end of the day, he would be the one taking Devy home, he’d be the one sinking into her sweet pussy, he’d be the one loving on her and spoiling her. Carter could go kick rocks or eat worms or whatever it was that lonely people with regrets did. He wasn’t going to let that toxic sludge in an aging frat bro suit get to his babygirl.
Devy had been quiet since he’d climbed into the car and while they’d made a quick stop at the grocery store but he’d shrugged it off as an aftereffect of dealing with Carter. He felt a little raw himself.
He’d allow both of them a little space and some silence and when they got back home where he could hold her he’d make everything alright. They would grumble, maybe make some jokes and ultimately seek comfort in each other. It would be fine. It would take more than Carter being an asshat to shake what he had with Devy.
When they pulled into the garage of his home, he hopped out of the SUV and was surprised to find Devy closing her door after having gotten out by herself. Obviously she was capable but she had seemed to enjoy it when he helped her out of the car. Maybe she’d been more upset by Carter than he thought.
They carried the groceries into the house and set them down on the kitchen counter. But when he tried to comfort her with a hand on her shoulder, she shrugged him off. What the hell was going on? She almost never refused his affection.
He was about to remind her of the promise she’d made less than a week ago—her promise to confide in him, to give him her trust even when it was hard. Where was that woman, the one who’d given her word that she’d try?
Before he could, though, she turned to him, fingers curled into fists at her sides and blue eyes shining with unshed tears.
“Thank you for believing me.”
Well that came out of left field, but he wouldn’t ignore it. It meant so much to him that she’d trusted him far enough to let him help and he wanted her to know. She’d already thanked him and he’d assured her it had been his pleasure but if she needed to hear it again, he’d say it. “Thank you for believing in me.”
“I…” Devy’s tearful expression went from grateful tears to clench-jawed, determined anguish. “I really appreciate you helping me with all of this. I wouldn’t have been able to do it myself.”
“Glad I could help. Gotta use this medical degree for something,” he joked. Devy smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“It was so kind of you and I’ll be forever grateful but…”
No. No buts. What the hell was with the but? Buts were the jam hands of words. No one liked them and they stuck in unpleasant places.
“But I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
He could see how much it hurt her to say the words, like her heart was being mercilessly squeezed in a vise. And he sure as hell didn’t want to hear them, so what was she doing? Eric tried to breathe despite his lungs feeling as though they were being crushed by a boulder.
“Now why would you go and say a silly thing like that?”
His voice was strained as he tried to keep his words light, and Devy looked as miserable as he felt. A couple tears rolled down her cheeks and she swiped them away. What the actual fuck? This couldn’t be happening. He’d had the woman of his dreams in his life for almost a month now and no way was he going to let her go without a fight.
“I just don’t think we’re…compatible.”
If he thought it would do any good, he’d list the hundreds of ways they fit together like a lock and key but he got the feeling she wasn’t being logical right now, and making lists wasn’t going to help.
What he needed to do was get to the root of why she was smashing this beautiful thing they’d built on the floor—maybe she was wrecking it before something else could. Did this have to do with Carter? The boys? Something else? Whatever it was, they could figure it out.
“Why on earth would you say that?” he demanded, tone harsher than he meant but he felt like he could lose her and his aggressive need came out in his voice.
She folded her arms across her chest and it made her look small, fragile. Especially as she shrugged on a sigh and looked away before locking her gaze on his, her eyes red rimmed and puffy from her crying. Devy swiped at another tear sliding down her cheek and he desperately wished that she weren’t holding him at arms length so he could kiss it away instead.
“Because it’s a lot to ask, to take care of me when I’m useless for a quarter of the month.”
That was it. He’d known this woman would destroy him, but he hadn’t thought it would be with soul-crushing compassion. How could she, for even a second, think— Fuck no, not on his watch. Not in his lifetime.
“First of all, the value of human beings isn’t in their being useful. Every life has value, no matter how much or how little they ‘contribute.’ Second, even when you’re feeling your worst, I still love to be with you. I don’t like seeing you in pain that isn’t under my control but I do like helping you feel better. I love to cuddle you and make love to you and talk to you. And I don’t know how to explain it because how can you really explain kink, but feeding you, restraining you, taking your temperature, giving you enemas, keeping you in diapers…” He shrugged helplessly. “It’s like the aurora borealis in my brain, all colors and light. And yeah, when I play with other littles it’s fun and satisfying but no one lights me up like you. No one.”
She wrenched her mouth to the side like she only half believed him and held herself tighter. The gesture killed him, made him ache with the need to take her in his arms and give her comfort, reassurance. And apparently that wasn’t all she had to say.
“But you…you want to have children. And obviously I managed that before but I’m older now and the endo might make it really hard if not impossible and we haven’t been together that long so I feel like I’m springing this on you. Like ‘Hey, we’ve been together for a month. Better make a call now whether you want to have babies with me because it might take years or it might not happen at all.’ And what if it doesn’t happen at all? I don’t know if I could live with disappointing you that way.”
