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“Oh, sweet girl. You’re okay. No need to be so upset.”
“I’m not worried about me!”
Goodness, she was going to break his already battered heart with her mulish insistence. Really, she was going to scold him now? That was fine, whatever made her feel better.
That was what daddies did, right? They were patient with their littles when they were being irrational, and they tried to take the edge off big, sharp feelings.
“You don’t have to worry about me either, I promise. It was a long time ago,” he told her. “I’m fine now. You hear that?”
She breathed and pressed her ear to his chest and he cradled the back of her head. Hopefully she could hear his heartbeat clearly through his shirt, layers of muscle and bone. Steady and regular as clockwork, as though it had never stopped, as though it would go on for eternity.
“Good as new. Better, even. I don’t have to deny who I am anymore, keep everything I want hidden. Whatever the doctors say, I know that’s what it was. I was living a lie and it took a toll. But I don’t have to do that anymore. I can be who I was meant to be and I can love how I was meant to love. I’m so much happier now, I swear. And so is my heart.”
“You died,” she muttered into his chest.
Technically that was true and Lo reminded him of it frequently.
“Couldn’t justalmostdie like a normal person,” he’d say. “Had to be an overachiever at even that. You could be a little less exceptional for once in your fucking life. Asshole.”
“Takes more than death to kill a Foster-Webb,” he joked and Shannon punched him in the ribs. He probably deserved that.
He held her for a while, stroking her hair and rubbing her back, talking to her until she’d stopped shaking. When she seemed as calm as she was likely to get, he led her over to the couch and sat before tugging her into his lap.
“What are you—”
“You can sit next to me if you want to, but I’d rather have you here.”
“Are you sure?”
She seemed not quite as small as she had when he first arrived but not quite as brash and confident as she had at the club.
“Positive. You aren’t going to hurt me if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m very sturdy. If a massive heart attack didn’t kill me, you think some cuddles are going to get the job done?”
Shannon glared at him from under what he could only call angry eyebrows, like she was a muppet.
“I know you’re trying to make me feel better with your jokes but I don’t like them. Maybe it’s funny to you now, but I just watched the footage and it’s not funny to me yet so could you tone it down please?”
It was a good thing his heart was back in fighting shape because she’d landed a direct hit.
“Yes. Of course. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Lo and I told a lot of pretty dark jokes while I was recovering and it helped me get through but I can keep those thoughts to myself. That’s not— I would never—”
He made a frustrated sound and shook his head.
“What?”
She was close enough now and in bright enough light that he could see her eyes properly. They weren’t a solid color. Not even the same all the way around. There was a spiky star of olive around her pupils surrounded by a puddle of honey brown, all contained by a ring of dark blue. Complicated and absolutely gorgeous, much like the woman herself.
“I know you’re not mine. We just met. But I’m really glad you called me when you were upset. It means a lot and it makes me feel really good. More than you letting me spank you earlier,” he teased, and was rewarded by a narrow-eyed, purse-lipped smile. “So even though I’m not, being here and being able to help you feel better makes me feel like a daddy, you know? Like your daddy. Like you’re my little girl to hold and protect. But I didn’t think you’d appreciate that so I was trying not to say it. That’s all.”
Shannon wrenched her mouth to the side.
“I guess that would be kind of weird,” she agreed. “Especially since you don’t even know my real name.”
It was true. She’d given him a little more information while they’d chatted earlier and if he’d sicced Lo on it, he probably could’ve used the power of the internet to track her down and have all her information within the space of an hour or less, but he hadn’t. Shannon would share in her own time or she wouldn’t. If he wanted that from her then he’d have to prove himself worthy. That was all there was to it.
“I don’t know how much that has to do with it,” he mused. “I—”
“It’s Tamsyn. Tamsyn Yates from Penshaw, Ohio. I’m an actuary at Lloyd Surry.”
He opened his mouth but no sound came out. That’s not what he’d been expecting, but Ms. Tamsyn Yates of Penshaw, Ohio was surprising in so many ways. So many ways that at once unsettled him but also made him feel strong and steady and deserving.
“So I’ll call you Daddy when we’re in scene and, um, right now I guess. And it’s okay if you call me little girl. But that doesn’t make me a little. I’m still a middle and calling you Daddy doesn’t change that. Middles have daddies too. You did this to yourself, though. Dying. What the hell.”
A wave of something washed over Hux in that moment. Something close to peace, and something like certainty although he’d keep that to his damn self. Tamsyn was going to be his, he was sure of it, and hopefully theirs. And if it had taken dying to do that, well, seemed like it had probably been worth it.
“Deal,” he told her, and pressed a kiss to her soft cheek.
