AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Yeah, he figured Tamsyn would appreciate his caution, especially paired with his lack of knowledge, but the way she looked at him sometimes, it felt like she was waiting for him to ravage her. She didn’t seem disappointed when he didn’t, not exactly, but had maybe started to wonder if it was something about her that kept him from getting down to business.
Well, there was actually. Probably not how she thought.
It was a combination of her steadfast denial that she was a little and the unknown of whether he could live with that or not, plus the added pressure of not knowing how she’d react to the inclusion of Lowell in their relationship.
And then there was the last bit. He hadn’t been with a woman since his heart attack.
Yes, he’d been medically cleared for sexual activity some time ago but with Tamsyn having reacted to the footage the way she did, how was she going to feel about his scar? That nearly foot-long reminder of his brush with death?
He could, he supposed, keep his shirt on, but the truth was he didn’t want to. He wanted to be close to her. And wasn’t the whole point of his life now to live openly and unafraid? To go after what he wanted and hold onto it with both hands? He didn’t want to hide anything anymore, within reason. The bottom line was that he didn’t want to hide anything from her.
So yes, his brain had been going a million miles an hour in a thousand different directions as he led her over to the open St. Andrew’s cross and stripped her, closed her fingers around handles instead of binding her since he’d never done this on a human before. Practiced on pillows and walls, yes, but that was not at all the same as someone’s skin.
But once he’d become more comfortable with the weights of various floggers in his hands, how their falls flew through the air and made contact with Tamsyn’s skin, how the different materials and varying flicks of his wrists elicited different reactions from his lovely girl, it was easy to devote all his attention to the exercise. To her. Flogging wasn’t physical penetration but it was definitely intimate and he did feel as though he was getting into her head if not her body.
It helped too that after his newbie awkwardness had worn off a bit that being flogged seemed to relax her, especially when he established a pattern and she could absorb the impact without thinking too hard. Good, because this girl thought too much. Not that she didn’t seem present when they were together but he did feel like there was always a motor whirring away in a separate compartment of her brain. When he’d asked her about it, she’d been embarrassed and apologized.
“It’s like a restaurant kitchen in here, you know? Something’s always on the back burner. Usually it’s work or Maddie. Or both.”
Yes, Maddie. The bestie who was a little and over the moon to be engaged to her daddy. Tamsyn’s continued insistence that she was a middle and not a little still boggled him. But he didn’t have to understand it, he just had to respect it.
Hux dropped the flogger he’d been practicing figure eights with and closed the gap between him and Tamsyn that he’d been bridging with the wide, suede tresses. The skin of her back was pink and warm, her breath even as he pressed his chest to her back. And screw that.
He’d always stayed fully clothed while they played and had her in varying states of undress, but tonight he wanted more than that from her, more than that for himself. Now that Lowell had confessed his discontent, he wanted more for his brother too. More for all of them, and the only way to get that was to ask.
Tamsyn’s fingers uncurled from the handle she’d been gripping on the St. Andrew’s cross, and she threaded her fingers into his hair. So sweet and so familiar. He wanted to throw all caution to the wind and tell her everything. But there was so much to lose and he wasn’t prepared to give her up yet.
“Daddy?”
“Yes, sweet girl?”
Yeah, he wasn’t ready to give up the rush he got every time she called him Daddy. Even if it was as a middle and not as a little, he still loved it.
“Is everything okay? You seem distracted.”
His stomach curdled. “Did I hurt you? Did it feel like I wasn’t paying attention? I didn’t—”
“No, no,” she said. “Just now I mean.”
“A little. Just got some stuff on my mind, but none of it is as important as you.”
He kissed her neck and she sighed. The soft sound was like an invitation and he screwed up his courage. He’d asked his country to spend billions of dollars on programs he believed in, he ought to be able to ask for a token like this from a single person, even if it felt far larger than that. But he could and he would. Like getting back on his feet after surgery, it was a matter of one foot in front of the other.
“I did want to ask you…”
“Yeah?”
“Would you be okay with me taking off my shirt? I’ve got a big scar and I know you don’t like to think about that.”
“I don’t,” she said slowly. “But I would like to be closer to you. Know more of you. Feel more of you.”
She was like a kitten. Mostly sweet and playful but you couldn’t forget about the claws. At the moment she was fluffy and soft, and he wanted to bury his face in her warmth.
He was loath to let her go but he managed to peel his hands from her skin for long enough to unbutton his shirt. He hadn’t taken it off in public since Clover City’s best cardiac surgeon had cracked open his chest. Not that Hive was public, but it wasn’t just him and Tamsyn either.
A frisson of self-consciousness ran down his spine but he forced himself to peel the cotton over his shoulders, down his arms, undid the cuffs to free his wrists. This was as naked as he’d been with a lover in a very long time, and even though he was choked with the feeling of being exposed, the heat of her skin against his chest was a revelation. She let out a soft sigh.
“You feel really good,” she told him. “Can I turn around or are you not ready for that yet?”
“I am if you are,” he murmured into her shoulder, feeling his spine stiffen even as his cock did.
He took a step back and tried to figure out what the hell to do with his hands as his heart beat hard but steady against his ribs.
