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Chapter 21
Brooklynn
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Savannah, GA May 12– Friday evening
The last few days have been some of the most challenging for Journee. She’s practically moved into my room with me. I don’t mind. Whatever she needs. Journee has been here for me the entire time I’ve tried to work through whatever happened to me after the incident. Nothing has been all that clear from that time. She’s been the friend I needed when I cried out my frustration. Her shoulder was the one I leaned on when my mind was so foggy, I could barely recall my own face.
Now, it’s my turn to be what she needs. Paislynn has been amazing. She has been here, providing whatever I needed. It doesn’t matter if it was business related or personal. Old me did an excellent job choosing an assistant. Noelle has spent just about every night with us. Mr. and Mrs. Forrester have practically moved into the guest room. If Journee isn’t with me then she’s with them. Yesterday, she was willing to talk about some details about the attack.
Hope House sent over gifts, cards, money, and get-well items. Seeing all the items, made me think of Daire. Not that he’s far from my thoughts. I have so much to tell him. One of the main things I want to talk to him about is what happened the night of the anniversary dinner. I haven’t heard from him. It’s been all hands-on deck here at our house. I haven’t wanted to be far away from my friend.
She has waking nightmares. It’s a scary time.
Still, a part of me yearns to hear from him.
“You should go for a walk or something. you’ve been cooped up in here with me for almost a week. Go out and see the world,” Journee tells me as she joins me in the sunroom.
“I’m completely fine being right here with you. In yelling distance.”
A small smile plays at Journee’s lips. She touches her cheeks. That small action brings tears to my eyes.
“You have been the best and I am so grateful to know I have someone like you in my life. I don’t want to be the reason you don’t live. You’ve been working so hard to regain some semblance of self. I refuse to be the excuse for why you don’t that damn puzzle still going in your head.”
I’m shaking my head well before she even finishes her statement.
“I’m not ... “
“Hiding out? Avoiding?”
“Right. I’m not doing either of those things. I’m here, caring for my friend.”
“That friend loves you more than you know. She also knows you very well. I’ve seen you checking your phone. I’ve watch you pacing the floor and looking at the journals you don’t think I know about. I also know you never called your mother. Do I know why you can’t bring yourself to live with your mother? No. You have your reasons. I do know what it feels like to have a curious mind and not have access to any of the answers.” She pulls me into a hug. The first one she’s initiated. “Start with a small thing. Leave your friend with her parents, your other friend, and her boss. Go for a walk. Make one of your lists and commit to completing it.”
Ten minutes later, all those people she mentioned are practically pushing me out the front door. I’m glad I was dressed.
I decide to walk towards the shopping center not far from where we live. As I walk, my mind drifts to the last time I saw Daire. I’ve been checking in with Hope who checks in with Graham on a daily basis. Daire and his friends went out of town. Apparently, Daire has some business to take care of and Ryder and Graham wen with him.
Journee was right. I have been repeatedly checking my phone. I was hoping he’d send me a text or call. He hasn’t. That’s been disappointing. I don’t know what I expected to happen afterwards. I didn’t exactly explain myself nor did I tell him what I should’ve told him a long time ago.
Fear makes people do crazy things. Back then, I was fearful of him remaining at my side, caring for our daughter and my ailing ... I didn’t want him to eventually hate me or us because he was unhappy with his subpar life. Things were expected of him and loved him too much to have him settle.
That day was the worst day of my like. I’d been so happy for him. I couldn’t tell him just how thrilled I was knowing what I to say to him. Once I gave him the news about one of our children, I paused, and it hit me. I knew what I had to do. Just like that, I changed the course of the “us” we knew. No one knew what I’d told Daire that night. It was easier that way.
He should know.I was afraid he wouldn’t understand. The more time that passed, the more I feared he would be too angry to understand why I did what I did.
The cruelest thing I did that night still haunts me.
“What’s wrong? Blaze, tell me. why are you crying?”
He’d looked so happy when he came in. His short hair, freshly cut. The balloons, bear, and flowers all bunch together in his big arms. Arms that would wrap around me so tight if I asked him to hold me. I wish I could, but I can’t.
I’m crying for so many reasons. He’ll stay if he knows. He won’t go and I know it.
I’ve hidden so much from him already. What’s one more thing?
The huge smile that crept all the way to his dangerously gorgeous green eyes is gone. He’s worried for me. He doesn’t know what’s happening, but he can tell something’s wrong.
