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I miss Aidan.
There is no other way to describe the way I’m feeling. I’m in love with a man I can’t have and I’m being forced to accept it. It’s been three weeks since he left my apartment, taking my heart with him, and I hadn’t seen him since. I hadn’t been to class, and I think he’s avoided the quad like the plague, knowing I usually hang around there with Peyton between classes.
I try my best to put him out of my head while I’m in class, not wanting to destroy the straight A’s I’d been maintaining up until now. Despite the pain, I have to focus.
“Everything is going to be fine.” Peyton’s voice breaks me from my thoughts. “I let you be a recluse all semester. It’s time to have some fun.” Dave’s frat—the guys of Alpha…Pi…Tau…Omega…Epsilon, whatever they all sound the same—are having a party tonight and I’d been convinced that socialization was needed.
Peyton had gone above and beyond her call of duty, rarely leaving me alone with my thoughts and having crashed at my apartment so I didn’t dwell too much in the late hours of the night. She hadn’t pushed but she had learned what all my silences meant. She knew when I needed to get my mind off of it, and when I just wanted silence. There were moments when it hurt less, where I was able to get my mind off of it, but that usually involved an SVU marathon and sausage pizza. I’d taken up running as I tried to avoid the ten pounds I’d put on after my last round of “heartbreak.” And in those moments, where all I focused on was putting one foot in front of the other, I made myself forget him.
“I know. I appreciate you doing everything you’ve done for me this semester. You’re the best, Peyton.” And I mean that. Friends like Peyton didn’t come along but maybe once or twice in your life and I know she’s someone I’ll be friends with when CGU is a distant memory.
There were a few nights I let Peyton get me drunk and one or two where I’d gotten high, trying to numb the pain for just a second. The tequila made me sick for the first time in my entire life, and then I spent the night on my bathroom floor sobbing my eyes out. The weed successfully mellowed me out, but it also made me think. Too much. And then I ate an entire pizza in the span of forty-five minutes.
The wind whips around us and I pull my leather jacket harder around me. It isn’t cold quite yet, but the seasons are changing. With every day that passes, the weather ticks a degree cooler in the evenings and while I’ve learned that the weather here is fickle, I know winter is coming. I’d curled my hair in soft waves and it flows now in the cool wind behind me. “Don’t sweat it, Sky. This is going to be fun. Just maybe no tequila shots for you.” Peyton raises an eyebrow as we make it to the house.
There’s a guy outside smoking a cigarette with two other guys and he nods at Peyton. “Hey, P. Been a minute, where you been?” He takes a sharpie and puts X’s on our hands and she shrugs.
“Around. Been hanging at better frats.” She shoots him a cheeky grin in response to his pointed look. “Get out of here, troublemaker. Keg’s in the back.” He nods at me and gives me a smile. “P’s friend.”
I offer a wave and a small smile as we enter the house and are instantly met with the sounds of Drake. We push our way through the crowded house to the back patio and a group of guys surrounding the keg. “Peyton! Skyler!” I try to avoid the sinking feeling of seeing Dave, knowing that I’m going to be spending the night warding off his advances. He’s harmless, but he just isn’t who I want. “I had no idea you guys were coming, I would have gotten you guys house cups.”
A house cup, which I’d learned was every girl’s dream at a fraternity, meant you didn’t have to wait in line for beer. I should have been excited, but it usually meant the guy was getting something in return at the end of the night.
“All good, it was last minute,” Peyton says as he pumps our beers for us.
“I’ve barely seen you the last few weeks, where you been hiding?” He taps her nose and shoots me a grin. What a flirt.
“Oh, you know,” Peyton says with a flick of her wrist before grabbing her beers. “Let’s go dance, Sky.”
“I’ll be in later. Save me one?” He winks at me and I realize I haven’t spoken a word since we walked inside.
“Right, umm, okay,” I manage before following Peyton inside.
“You don’t have to dance with him,” Peyton tells me as she takes a healthy swallow of her beer. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”
“I know…I just…maybe I should?”
“I support it!” She gives me a thumbs up as she drags me to the center of the circle. “Thanks for letting me drag you out.”
“Got to start moving on somehow, right?”
Peyton doesn’t say anything. She just stares at me with a look in her eyes that I can’t quite detect. Is it pity?
“Oh my gosh, Skyler!” I turn my head to see a familiar redhead come into view. She’s clearly intoxicated as she throws her arms around me. “It’s me, Lily…from Dr. Reed’s class?”
My heart constricts hearing his name and I try to clear the tears forming with a cough. “Right, hey!”
“I haven’t seen you in ages! Did you drop his class? I haven’t seen you!”
“No…I…I’ve just had a lot going on.”
“Damn, you must not need the extra credit points. Lucky bitch! I bombed his last exam. But it helps that he’s really nice to look at. So, I don’t mind sooo much about going to class.” She runs a hand through her hair before tucking a wild curl behind her ear. “He’s been weird though.”
“Weird?” I ask. I know I shouldn’t ask. I don’t want to hear anything about him. I’d severed all connections with him. I’d even deactivated my Instagram so I wouldn’t be tempted to stalk him. This resulted in an immediate call from my sister wondering who the fuck broke my heart now because that was the only time I deleted social media. Bitch.
“Yeah, he was like funny and cool before. Now he’s just rigid and straightforward. He doesn’t even hold office hours anymore. All communication is through email or when he holds a group session the week of a test. Word on the street is some teachers were speculating that girls cared more about him than his class. So, I guess he’s just trying to keep his job.”
“Right…yeah, well. I guess.” I’m not sure what to say to that. But I’m happy that he’s keeping all females at arm’s length.
