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The sounds of Cardi B surround me the second I walk into Alli’s townhouse. Her house has become notorious for her pregames—they are basically full-blown parties before the party, so I’m not shocked by the number of people here. My eyes scan her living room as I watch people trying to bounce quarters into a shot glass and two of my lacrosse teammates playing beer pong. I nod at them as I make my way into the kitchen where I assume I’ll find Alli taking copious shots and selfies with her sorority sisters.
“EVERETT!” I hear my name squealed by a few different girls as I make it to the kitchen, and then Alli’s in my arms, reaching up to give me a kiss. I quickly dodge her lips and manage to pull out of her grasp without completely embarrassing her. Her platinum blonde hair is curled and flowing down her back and her heavily made up blue eyes are bright and shining, probably due to too many shots. Her lips are bright red, serving as a reminder to keep them far away from any part of me.
“I’m so glad you’re here.” She giggles. “Do you want a drink?” She holds the red solo cup that smells of straight vodka up to my mouth and I take a step back.
“No…actually, Alli, do you think we could ta—go upstairs for a second?” I need to get Alli alone, and suggesting we ‘talk’ would be the quickest way for her to avoid me all night.
“Oh…” She smiles and raises an eyebrow. “Lead the way.” I hear her friends all giggle and cheer, and as we leave, someone screams, “Wrap it up!” just as we make it to the stairs.
I roll my eyes as I follow her up to her bedroom and shut the door. I’ve only been in here a handful of times, and I’m certain this will be the last. I let my eyes roam over the room as I prepare myself to break up with Alli, and a twinge of guilt moves through me. Not for breaking up with her because fuck that. I want Leighton. But guilty for getting her involved in the first place. Alli is a nice girl, albeit a little clingy and annoying; she’s sweet, and it’s obvious she really likes me, and I’m about to break up with her after I’ve spent the last three months screwing the girl I’m in love with behind her back.
I feel like a fucking asshole.
But, I’m not an asshole. I care about people’s feelings, and I hadn’t intended to hurt Alli. I wasn’t even planning to continue sleeping with Leigh once we started dating.
Alli and I had been dating two weeks when Leighton and I got drunk and accidentally reverted back to our old ways. And then did so three more times that morning.
She hops on the bed, bouncing a few times because the alcohol probably has her a little disoriented and cocks her finger towards me.
“Alli…” I trail off. “That’s not why I wanted to come up here.”
“Oh, come on. When are you going to fuck me already?” She reaches for the hem of her shirt when I hold up a hand. I’ve seen her tits when she flashed me—and Dave and Pat, I might add—but other than that, I’ve kept things to over the clothes action.
“Stop, Alli. You know what, I should go and we can talk about this when you’re sober.” I reach for the doorknob when I hear her shrill voice piercing the air.
“Wait! Talk about what?” She’s off the bed and standing in front of me. Her arms are crossed and pushing her breasts upwards making her cleavage more defined. She bites down on her bottom lip, and despite the fact that it turns me harder than granite when Leighton does it, I feel nothing.
I pull at my ear, which Leighton says is my tell that something is bothering me. A sign I’m sure is lost on Alli. “This…us…Alli, it’s not working.”
“Wh—what? What do you mean?”
“This was fun but—”
“This was fun? What the fuck? You’re breaking up with me?” I hear the inflection in her voice and I’m immediately irritated. Alli has a very high opinion of herself, which is great for her, but the Princess act is annoying as fuck.
I clear my throat in an attempt to mask the irritation. “Yeah, Alli, I am. It’s not fair to either of us.”
“What does that mean?” I don’t say anything as I prepare to phrase this as delicately as I can when she snorts. “It’s about her, isn’t it?”
I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose as I kick myself for letting this become about Leighton. “It’s about a whole lot of things, Alli.”
“Bullshit. This is about your co-dependent, toxic friendship with Leighton.” She spits out her name like it disgusts her, and I bite my tongue to avoid saying anything.
“This is about doing what makes me happy, Alli, and about wanting to do the right thing.”
She takes a step away from me and turns her back to me. Her shoulders are hunched up around her ears, and I can feel the tension radiating off of her in waves. “Do you love her?” she whispers. I don’t say anything and when she spins around, I expect anger or rage but all I see is sadness and hurt.
“I never meant to hurt you, Alli. That’s on me. I take responsibility for that, I just…I didn’t know how to make sense of—”
“I get it.” She puts her hand up and lowers herself to her bed. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “You do love her.”
“Yes.” My voice isn’t low or nervous, it’s strong and full of conviction. I may feel bad, but I’m serious about how I feel about Leighton, and I’m not going to downplay that to anyone.
“Why…why not me?” She doesn’t look at me, her blue eyes fixed on the ground as she speaks her insecurities into the quiet room. “I care about you too.”
You are the fucking worst, Cartwright. I let out a breath as I sit next to her on the bed. “I’ve never had a whole lot of control over my feelings for Leigh. You can’t control who you love, Alli. I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner.” I know I’m skewing the narrative slightly, but I don’t want to dig the knife deeper by telling her I had been very aware of my feelings for Leighton.
“Does she know how lucky she is? You’ve never looked at me the way you look at her. You think you’re hiding it? You stare at her with stars in your eyes.”
