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“Look. You want a baby. That was what brought you to me—wanting a baby, and being with someone who couldn’t give you one.”
“I’m not with you because you saidyouwould. You’re not my sperm donor or my personal baby maker. I want a baby, but I also want time alone with you without stolen moments or racing against the clock. Without an ex-husband who’s trying to break us up. I think we need time alone to be a couple. Just you and me.” I move towards him on my knees and look up at him. “You can’t knock me up to ensure I won’t go back to him or leave you. My word that I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life should be enough. Don’t you trust me?” I voice my concerns and his eyes, which have been following his hand as he draws circles into my clavicle, move to mine in a flash.
“Of course, I do.”
“Do you trust I’m not going to leave you?” His eyes trace my face but they are almost vacant, as if he’s gone somewhere else, and I narrow my gaze wondering why it feels as if he’s lookingthroughme and notatme. He nods once and I frown.What is that about?“Say the words, Will.”
“I believe youdon’t wantto leave.” He backs up from me, rubbing a hand over his jaw as I hear the qualifier in his statement.
“What—” I go to ask him what that even means when he shakes his head and pulls his briefs up his legs. “Will?”
“I have to tell you something.”
My heart beats wildly in my chest hearing his ominous words. My mind, filled with the most ridiculous things I can muster, is not prepared for the words that fall from those perfect lips.
BABY,IHAVE A PROBLEM. And I think it’s about to get worse.
The words stall, not wanting to leave my lips.
I’m fine.
Everything is fine.
I clear my throat wondering what I’m going to tell her instead.
They say the first step is admitting that you have a problem. Reaching into your soul and allowing yourself to force the words out, purging yourself of the guilt and shame associated with the problem. I was powerless in defeating the problem and thus my life has become unmanageable.
The next step is realizing that a greater power could restore your sanity.
The love I have for Charlotte is that higher power.She is the incentive I needed to stop things from escalating any further.
She’ll leave you if she knows. She’ll be terrified that you share any common characteristics with her stepfather.
She’ll run.
Suddenly, it hits me—and that’s the thing about thisproblem: it hits you in waves and at the worst times. Sometimes, it’s easier to manage, easier to avoid the voice in the back of your head that tells you you’re dying to have a drink. But other times, times like now when I’m thinking of a life without Charlotte it is…unmanageable.
Suddenly, the need to have a drink overwhelms me.
Just one to take the edge off. Just to get back in control. To clear your mind.
Knowing I need to tell her something, I blurt out, “I need to tell my patients their privacy has been violated. I’m going to email my supervisor to set up a meeting with our ethics board.”
I know she wasn’t expecting me to say that because I watch as her eyebrows shoot to her hairline. “I get that you feel you need to do that, but…now?”
“The longer I let this go on, the worse it will be. My patient’s trust me and their privacy was violated. They deserve to know. But the board needs to know first, I’m not sure how they’ll want to handle it. I’m sure our lawyers will need to get involved.”
“But you’ll get in trouble, right? They’ll wonder why he planted the device, they’ll start asking questions and it will lead them back to me. Toyou and me.” The look in her eyes guts me, hearing her speak about us that way.
“I don’t regret it for a second. Any of it. We are meant to be together, Charley. Maybe in another life things would have been easier, but there’s only this life. Here. Now. And we’re together and that’s the only thing that matters.”
“Them disbarring you or taking you to jail or…”
“I won’t go to jail.”
“It’s possible. A doctor having sex with a patient isn’t just a slap on the wrist.”
“It can be. These things are handled on a case by case basis.”
