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“Just a little?”
I roll my eyes at his playfulness when a thought hits me that he may be under the influence of something as well. “Have you been drinking?”
“Nope, I figured I’d take a page out of one of your books tonight.”
“You…smoked?” My eyes are wide in shock that my straight-laced stepfather smoked weed. “Withoutme?”
Twenty minutes later, Dominic and I are in his bedroom, sitting on his bed passing a joint back and forth. It only took one look and me batting my eyelashes a few times for Dominic to relent to taking a few hits with me. “Where’d you get this?”
“I’m forty-one, I know where to find weed, Stass.”
“Well, excuse me,” I snap my fingers and pull the joint to my lips again. “I’m shocked you can roll a joint too.”
He pulls the joint from my fingers and holds it away from me. “Can we cool it with the insults? This is grade A weed I’m sharing with you.”
“Whatever!” I chuckle as I reach for it. “Gimme.”
“Say please.”
“Please, Daddy.” I put my hands together under my chin like I’m praying and give him my most innocent smile.
The look that flashes through his eyes, however, is far from innocent, but it’s gone as quickly as it appears. He takes another hit and hands it back to me. We do this a few more times and before I know it, I’m lying on his pillow. “That is really good.” I let my eyes flutter closed. “I am high as fuck.”
“Shit, same.” I feel the bed move and when I open my eyes, he’s next to me staring at the ceiling.
“Is it hard?” I ask, my eyes still closed. “Getting over a spouse that dies? I mean like for the next relationship you’re in? It’s not like you had a nasty break up or hated each other. Life forced you apart. Well…I guess death to be more specific. It must be hard for the new woman you’re seeing? Competing with the memory of a dead woman who probably did no wrong?” I ramble, and when I open my eyes, he’s staring at me.
“Why do you ask?”
“I was just wondering…”
“Honestly, Stassi, I don’t see myself getting serious again.”
“Ever?”
“Ever.”
“But you’re so young.”And kind and considerate and you have so much love to give.
“Exactly. I’ve been married twice and they both died. I’m too young to feel like everyone I love, I lose.”
Shit, that’s deep.“Dominic, it’s not you. You know that, right? It’s sad and unfortunate but they were both in car accidents. One involving a drunk driver and one involving inclement weather. There’s nothing you could have done.”
“It doesn’t stop the words in my head telling me I could have done more. Ishouldhave done more.”
I prop myself up on one elbow. “You don’t believe that.”
“Stassi, a mind in mourning is complicated. There’s guilt, resentment, anger, relief, and that’s all before you’re fully awake in the morning. I can tell myself it’s not my fault but it doesn’t stop the pain in my heart every time I think about your mom or even…Tessa.”
My heart races hearing his first wife’s name but I don’t know why. Maybe because he didn’t talk about her much and I feel like I’m getting an inside look to this part of his life he’s kept away from me until now.
“I don’t know much about your first wife…”
“We dated in college, got married right after we graduated. Not much to tell.”
“I mean…did you love her…more than you loved my mom? Was it weird when you started dating my mom?” I hold my breath as I prepare for his answer.
He squeezes his eyes shut. “I don’t want to have this conversation, Stass.”
