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Her cheek is pressed against my chest as her sobs begin to quiet, but I don’t stop rubbing her back. “Do you really believe that? Or are you just bullshitting me?”
“Okay, here it is in my words. I don’t know why the universe decided it was her time, but from the beginning, we are taught that tomorrow isn’t promised, foranyof us. You have to live, Stassi. Every day to the fullest. I want you to mourn, of course, because your heart will hurt for a while. You almost won’t feel like yourself. Death is hard. But…that’slife.And if there’s one thing I’ve learned is that it goes on. You will go on. And, sure, there will be fleeting moments where the feelings of missing her will overwhelm you, but those feelings will go just as quickly as they come. You’ll heal, Stassia. You’ll find strength in the people you love and the people that love you. You’ll find strength in your passions and your dreams. You can’t use this as an excuse to not be happy. To not,live.”
She pulls back slightly and looks up at me as fresh tears stream down her face. “Wow. That was really…powerful.”
“I know a thing or two about grief and I’ve got one hell of a therapist.” I give her a smile, that I know doesn’t reach my eyes and she returns it before moving back into my arms. “Thank you…for being here.” She wraps her arms around my back and squeezes me. “Don’t let go.” Her voice is quiet but it’s like she screamed the words with how much I feel them deep in my heart.
“Never,” I tell her. I continue to rub her back for a few minutes before she finally drops her arms, releasing me from her grip.
“Sorry,” she murmurs and I cock my head to the side as her face comes into view.
“For what exactly?”
“Getting all emotional.” I reach for her but she leans back slightly and wipes the tears that had fallen. I wish she’d let me do that. I don’t know why in this moment, the need to take care of her overwhelms me. Maybe because I’d never really seen her cry. She’s never been a crier, and the few times she had, she would retreat to her room and emerge later with a clear face like it had never happened.
“You don’t need to apologize for that.”
We’re both silent for a few minutes; when I look over at her I spot her staring off into space and I realize I would do anything to get that painful look off of her face.
“So, what do you want for breakfast?”
The following Saturday is her graduation day and I can safely say I have never been prouder, especially since, as the Principal of Lakewood High, I get to be the one to hand her the diploma.
It’s after the ceremony and I’m searching for her in a sea of burgundy gowns after being inundated with parents and teachers wanting to thank me for everything as well as apologize for my loss. I finally spot her across the grassy field talking and taking pictures with Kate and a few of her friends. She’s still holding the flowers I gave her this morning that she insisted to bring with her. I’m happy I was able to put her in better spirits this morning after she broke down again over her mom not being here today.
She’s been much more willing to show her feelings to me and has cried a few times over the past week. I just held her in my arms as I tried to heal her heart. Things have been shifting between us and neither of us are acknowledging it. I think we think if we don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist.
I tap her shoulder and when she turns around, I’m disappointed that I can’t see her eyes that are hidden behind her dark sunglasses. She straightened and then curled her hair to give it subtle waves instead of the curls I’d come to love. She’s unzipped her gown revealing the strapless white dress underneath that makes her skin fucking glow. I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her. “You did it, baby.” She beams under my praise as her bottom lip finds its way between her teeth and she presses down, sinking her straight white teeth into the flesh.
Her arms find their way around me just like she’s been doing every day and she squeezes back. “I couldn’t have done it without you too, you know.”
I smile at her words because she and I both know her mother pushed her harder than anyone. And even though she slacked off some her senior year, she worked her ass off the other three years.
“Take a picture!” Kate squeals before snatching Stassi’s phone and standing in front of us. I see Stassi’s grandparents in my periphery and I wave them over to join the picture, mostly so I don’t have all of these eyes staring at me and my stepdaughter turned…friend…take a picture together. The three of us stand around her, smiling from ear to ear as Kate takes a bunch of pictures of this perfect moment.
“Stassia.” A deep voice penetrates our happy moment, and when I look towards the source, the person I see makes me see red.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I snap and Kate’s eyes widen before a giggle leaves her lips. When I shoot a glare at her, her mouth snaps shut and she puts a hand over it.
He ignores me and continues to walk towards Stassia with a bouquet of white flowers that look to be three times bigger than the yellow—which by the way is her favorite color—roses I’d given her this morning.
He’s dressed in gray linen pants and a black polo shirt, and I spy a watch that cost probably more than three months of my salary sitting on his wrist. For a second, I can’t ignore the flare of jealousy that spikes that he’d be able to give her more than I could.
“Mi-Micah. You came?” Her words confuse me.Had she invited him?
“Of course, I told you I would.” He smiles as he hands her the roses. I chance a glance at my in-laws who look less than impressed and I’m grateful to my mother-in-law, Pamela, for speaking the words I want to.
“Baby, you invited him? I wish you’d told someone.” She looks at me in question and I shake my head, alerting her I had no idea.
“I’m her father—” Micah starts and my father-in-law, Dwight, interjects.
“I wish you’d stop saying that like it means something.”
“Papa…” Stassia starts and her grandmother pulls her into a hug and away from Micah.
“She’s eighteen,” Micah states like all of us aren’t more than aware of her age.
“I don’t care if she’s one hundred and eighteen,” my mother-in-law snaps. “I’ll protect her as long as I’m alive from someone like you. Someone that will hurt her just like he hurt my baby.”
