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I am a shitty daughter, but the thought of him thinking that makes me feel lower than dirt.
“Not at all. I lashed out and said stupid shit I thought about myself.”
“I don’t think sleeping with me means you’re a bad person.” I sit down across from him.
“I think it makes me a bad person that I want it again,” he tells me and I can see the war he’s at with himself all over his face.
“I definitely want it again, if that makes a difference.” I bite down on my bottom lip and give him a small smile.
He smiles back, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “You’re so young, I should have known better. A woman always feels super connected to the man she loses her virginity to. Forever. It’s a bond that can never be severed and you were already connected to me so deeply.” He slams a hand down and begins to pace the kitchen. “I’m not even done grieving your mom.”
Hearing him talk about her is like a punch in the gut. I know he was married to her. I know he misses her. But now I’m starting to worry I’m living in the shadow of her memory.
“Did you fuck me to try and feel closer to her?” The words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them. I’m terrified to hear the answer but I have to know if he wanted me forme.Or because I look like a younger version of the woman he married.
“You’re nothing like your mother, Stassi.”
“I don’t think that makes me feel better considering you were in love with her. If I’m so different, what is it you love about me?”
“Everything,” he tells me. “You have so much fire and passion. You see the world how I used to see it. With so much hope.”
“Sounds like you like how naive I am. You like that I’m young.” I frown.
“No. Fuck.” He moves to kneel in front of me. “Remember when we were in Charleston and you told me you looked up the pornography I watched?” I nod and he continues. “It’s not something I’m proud of, but I’ve fantasized about fucking you.” He lets out a breath. “While your mom was alive.” He shakes his head. “I never thought anything would come of it, obviously. I’m not a cheater. Even when she passed, I never thought we would get here.”
“When…I mean when did you? Was it often?” My sex tingles at his confession and I wish we could continue this conversation in a more intimate setting.Like a bed or a shower or just fucking naked.
“I remember the first time. You were seventeen and you came home from practice but you’d gotten caught in the rain. That tiny fucking cheer uniform was clinging to you and it was white and I could just see…too fucking much.” He puts his head in his hands and shakes it slowly. “You probably think I’m sick.”
“No. I was seventeen.” I grab his hand and squeeze. “And you never touched me inappropriately.”
“Once you turned sixteen, I became hyper aware of how I should and shouldn’t touch you. When you were younger nothing crossed my mind, but I never wanted you to be uncomfortable.” His words are so raw and honest it both chills and heats my skin.
“You couldn’t make me uncomfortable. You annoyed the shit out of me, yes, but I always felt safe with you. I don’t feel preyed on, because you saw my nipples through a wet tank top. You’re still a man.”
“You were my stepdaughter,” he argues.
“We aren’t related by blood, and it’s not like you and my mom have a child together. Could you imagine how weirdthatwould be?” I shudder at the thought fucking the father of a half sibling.
“I’ve known you just such a long time…”
Another argument.
“I know, and that’s the part that is the hardest to wrap your brain around I think.”
He nods and sighs. “I prided myself on always doing the right thing, and this is just all the wrong things.” He puts a hand up before I can protest. “Not saying I don’t want it or that you’re a mistake, but in its most basic terms, this is wrong, Stassi.”
“It’s probably frowned upon, but I wouldn’t say wrong.”Okay, time to reroute this conversation back to what I want.“What happened after you saw me in the wet uniform?”
His eyes widen and he nods knowing I probably won’t let it go without hearing the rest of the story in great detail. “I had never responded to you before. So, instantly I felt like shit. I went upstairs immediately to avoid you. I needed away from you and the visual stimulation that was making me hard as a fucking rock. I tried everything to calm myself down and nothing was working. I knew what I needed to do but I was so worried you’d flash through my mind while I was doing it.” He shakes his head. “Until this week I’ve never masturbated to you.”
“This week?” I raise an eyebrow and he raises one back.
“Coyness doesn’t work now, Stassia Rae.” He rubs his temple and stands up again to make himself a drink. “I’ve damn near broken my dick off this week.”
“You know we could fix that.”
“Stassia.” His word is firmfor now,so I wave him off in hopes he’ll continue. “I started looking for porn that featured an older man and a younger woman. It worked, but I wanted more. So, I searched for interracial stepfather stepdaughter porn.”
