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“Had some. I was actually planning on going back to sleep, but wanted to sit to see if I got a second wind or felt any better.”
“And the verdict?”
“Still feel like shit, and I could use another day of sleep but that feeling is overpowered by the fact that you are sleeping with Stassi.” His voice is even and I don’t necessarily hear judgment, but I can hear a thousand questions he’s preparing to ask the second I open this door.
I shoot him a look and raise an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”
“I woke up to piss in the middle of the night, man. I thought one of you was watching porn honestly, until I heard you talking. You weren’t exactly quiet. But even then, I thought maybe I was just too fucked up and tripping. The sounds were coming from your room so…I opened Stassi’s door. Obviously, she was not there.”
I let out a sigh, wondering how to start. “Okay…”
“Okay? So, you’re not denying it?” he asks incredulously.
“I mean, would you believe me if I did?”
“Deeeeeeee.” He puts his hands over his face and when he drops them there’s a look of pure shock. “What the fuck, man? When? How? WHEN?” He rubs his forehead and squeezes his eyes together.
“After Angela passed, okay? Since she’s turned eighteen,” I answer instantly. Let’s just clear that up first.
“Okay, so you’re not going to prison for fooling around with a minor, there’s a plus. And I guess you’re a good husband for not cheating on your wife with her daughter,” he says sardonically, “but what, this is how you two are choosing to mourn?” His words are ugly and harsh, and while I might expect them from some people should they find out, I didn’t expect them from Seth.
“Don’t,” I growl at him. “Do not turn this into something it’s not.” I can feel the rage spiking in my veins.
“What? Borderline incest?” He stands up and holds his hands up before letting them drop against his sides.
“It’s not incest; we are not related by blood.”
He gives me a look as if to sayobviously.“You’re her stepfather. For the past seven years. That means something. You’re the only father figure she’s ever had.”
My heart races hearing him speak my fears into the universe. That people will think I’m sick. That I groomed her for this. That I touched her before she was legal. That I came onto her the first time. My stomach churns hearing the ugly things they’ll say to her and about her. “You think I don’t know that?”
“I don’t know why I stood up. The room is fucking spinning.” He sits back down and puts his head in his hands. “Does anyone else know?”
“No. Of course not.” I sigh and tilt my face towards the ceiling. “She seems to think we can tell people and they’ll just get over it.”
“That’s the kind of naive bullshit that comes with banging a teenager that hasn’t seen anything.”
“She’s not naive, Seth. She’s just hopeful, I guess.”
“This is actually insane. Angela has only been dead what, two and a half months? You made it seem like messing around with ANYONE now was too soon. But it’s not too soon to be fucking the woman’s daughter!?”
“This was not planned, Seth! It just…we got high one night, we started talking and things just started shifting. We spent a lot of time together. We talked and then we went to Charleston and…”
“Oh, that romantic vacation, of course.” He slaps his head. “You know, some alarm bells went off when you told me you guys were going down there alone, but I thought I was being crazy for even thinking it.”
“Seth…you’re my little brother and my best friend, I have to be straight with you about this.”
He looks to the ceiling again and raises his hands in defeat. “Now, he wants to be straight with me. No, that time was before you started. When you were having these thoughts so I could have talked you out of them!”
“Seth, I think I love her.” It’s the first time I’ve said the words aloud. Sure, I’ve thought about it a few times over the past week, but I thought maybe it was me going through some sort of withdrawal from sleeping with her to not even touching her. I thought maybe my dick was trying to convince me I loved her. But in the last few days, I’ve felt my heart and my mind shift slowly towards the idea of wanting more with her and for longer than either of us planned. The thought has sat in the back of my mind and now it’s here and I can’t ignore it.
He lets out a breath. “Man, I knew you were going to say some shit like that. Dominic, love? I mean I didn’t think you were just messing around with her for kicks. That’s never been you. To fuck around and hurt people—hurt women, but Dominic, you can’t love her. People won’t accept it. They won’t accept you. Heaven forbid you want to have a baby. How do you think Angela’s parents will take that? How do you think Mom and Dad will take it?”
“I don’t know. I can’t focus on that. My concern isn’t with everyone’s feelings. Only hers.”
“And how does she feel?”
“In my heart, I feel that she feels the same.”I hope she feels the same.
