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Lie.
“Of course, I do.”
He snorts in response. “I don’t believe you.”
Lie better.
I shrug. “Believe whatever you want.” I take another bite of pizza, in desperate need to back pedal out of this conversation that alcohol pushed me into. “I tell you everything.”
We’re silent for a few moments before he breaks it. “Do you ever wish our parents hadn’t adopted you?” he asks and I almost choke on the pizza. His hands immediately go to my back rubbing it soothingly but it does nothing to ease the ache in my chest over his words. Is he serious?
“Wha-what…are you saying?” Tears find my eyes and I do my best to swallow them down as his eyes widen in horror.
“No, no…fuck. I just heard how that sounded.” He shakes his head. “Not how I meant it. I just mean…if you and I had met under different circumstances.”
I’d thought from time to time how my life would have differed if I’d been adopted by a different family. A less affluent family. One where I had no siblings. One where there was no James. It was hard to imagine because the Calloways are my family. I am a Calloway. I love them wholeheartedly and I know the feeling is mutual. I wasn’t a child that didn’t feel like she belonged even when a few kids at school tried to tell me I didn’t.
I’m Gabrielle Calloway, but yeah…sometimes it sucked that it meant I was sister to James Calloway, thereby making him very off limits.
I blink my eyes a few more times, still not exactly sure how he means, but I go with my assumption, trying my best not to assume the worst or hope for the best. “Sure, I guess. Maybe we’d be friends.”
He chuckles. “Gab, we’d be more than friends and you know it.” He pours us two more shots and the liquor combined with his words causes a flutter between my legs. I chuckle awkwardly and try my best to come up with a witty reply but come up short. “You don’t think so?”he responds.
“I…I guess I don’t know what you mean.”
“Never mind.” He shakes his head and stares out the window where I see the snow has started to pick up slightly before sweeping his gaze back to mine. “Want to take these?”
We do so and I’ve officially crossed into intoxication despite my efforts to remain in control. He gets up to stoke the fire in front of us and instantly my fantasy from yesterday comes to mind. A giggle leaves my lips and when he turns back to me, he frowns. “What?”
“I have this fantasy of losing my virginity in front of a fireplace.” Instantly my hand flies over my mouth and I wish I could take back that projectile word vomit. “I mean…just in general. Not here obviously. One too many romance novels,” I ramble and I start to fidget with my hands which is something I do when I’m nervous. James’ eyes flit to them and a smile pulls at his lips.
“You’re nervous?”Panic washes over me. Why does he know me so fucking well?
“No…I just…that was a weird comment. Sorry, did I make it awkward?”
“Of course not, beautiful.” He moves back towards me and rubs his thumb down my cheek. “I’ve always wanted to do anything and everything to make you happy. Give you everything you want, Gab. But…” he furrows his brow, “that’s one thing I don’t think I can give you.”
That one word blares in my head like a flashing neon light. “Think?” I utter it aloud, my heart pounding so loud I wouldn’t be surprised if he could hear it.
“Can’t,” he corrects. “I can’t give it to you. Even though…” He stops and my eyes widen at the qualifier. Holy shit. He…wants that…with me? I try my best to steady my breathing. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. Maybe he means…I run through a brief list of scenarios he could possibly mean, but all of them lead back to him wanting to take my virginity. My sex pulses. The word vomit pools in the back of my throat dying to escape.
No. No. No.
Make him say it first.
My mind is moving a mile a minute at the thought that James and I could possibly cross a line tonight and I’m drunk on that thought along with the whiskey coursing through my veins.
“James…” I whisper and bite down on my lower lip.
“The things I could do to you, Gab.” He drops his head back. “I hate that I’ve thought about it.”
“Thought about…what?”
His eyes sweep to mine before he traces his gaze over me running those piercing blue eyes all over me lasciviously.
“Gabby…” He rarely calls me that and I think he realizes it because he pulls back slightly and shakes his head. “I need to get some sleep.”
“Wait…what?” No no no, don’t let him.
