Page 5 of Always Been You


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An hour later, my head is resting in James’ lap as he strokes my hair. “You’re not worried about your exam, are you? Don’t stress about it. You’ll be fine.” This is the first time we’ve been this close and it’s having a dizzying effect on me.

“Huh?” I ask as I look up at him and his eyes drop to mine from the television.

“Shit, were you sleeping? I’m sorry.” He runs his hand down my shoulder and rubs it gently. “Do you want to turn in? I know you have to be up early tomorrow.”

“I wasn’t sleeping,” I tell him. “Just lost in thought.”

“About your final?”

About how much I’m enjoying this and how fucked up I am.

“No.” I sit up. “Nothing important.”

He frowns and runs a hand through his hair. “Since when don’t you tell me things? I thought we told each other everything.” I smile at how little he really knows. He’d freak if he knew about what I’m feeling every day. “I can see that mind moving a mile a minute. What’s going on?”

“Seriously J, it’s nothing. But I am going to sleep, I think. It’s late and I want to get some rest before tomorrow. Would you mind giving me a lift to campus?”

“You don’t even have to ask that, Gab. Of course. When do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?”

“I can Uber over.” I stand up and stretch slightly before starting to gather my books so I don’t have to worry about it in the morning.

He rolls his eyes. “Shut up. I’m leaving work early anyway and I know with the way you pack, you’ll be bringing your whole dorm room with you.”

I chuckle at the thought that I notoriously overpack every time I travel.

“Fine, I’ll text you, maybe around one?”

“Okay.” He stands up and before I can think I’m engulfed in a hug. He wraps his arms tightly around me and I can feel him resting his chin on top of my head.

“I love you, Gab.” Those four words, when used together by James Calloway, in that order makes me melt. My blood heats up and the space between my legs begins to thump painfully in need of a release. Fuck, I want to kiss him. Rub up against him. Make him come. Make me come.

I want so much and I can’t have any of it so as calmly as I can, I respond, “I love you too, J.”

I’m safely behind the door of James’ guest room for about two seconds before I’m lying on the bed with my hand inside of my panties. I’m too riled up to sleep now, after my mind went through a million scenarios of what could have happened after he uttered those words.

Would it be the worst thing to tell him?

What’s the worst that could happen?

I sit up, staring at my phone, briefly wondering if I should text him.

No no no fuck no. You’re thinking with your clitoris and it’s going to get you in deep trouble. You need to come NOW.

I close my eyes and focus on the ache between my legs when it starts to build. A whimper leaves my lips and I slap a hand over my mouth before blindly reaching for a pillow to bite down on. I grab one, pulling it over my face as I continue to grind against my hand. I pull my clit in between my two fingers and roll it. I think about FaceTiming him while I do this. I think about him one room over completely oblivious to the fact that his little sister is rubbing her pussy while wicked thoughts of him float through her mind.

I love you, Gab.

A moan rumbles at the back of my throat but I don’t dare let it escape as I bite down hard on my bottom lip as the orgasm zips up my spine. I turn over on my stomach at the peak of the high and ride out the rest of it as I hump against my hand wishing like hell it was James’ cock. Wishing that my clit was rubbing against him and not my palm. The orgasm subsides and just like always I’m left frustrated and ashamed over my carnal thoughts.

I can’t have James and I just needed to get over it.

“Gab, stop freaking out. Just drive.” James tells me as I pull out onto the main road, my heart feeling like it could pound out of my chest. I all but begged mom or dad to teach me to drive, but James wouldn’t hear of it. “No one is teaching her to drive but me.” I’m sure my parents both being terrible drivers contributed to it, but it made me nervous as fuck that James was in the car with me for the first time. I just turned sixteen and not only has my crush on James grown by the power of ten in the last few months but now he’s here, in this confined space with me smelling like sex and sin while I’m trying to concentrate on not crashing his new BMW. Seriously? Who did I piss off up there to put me in my own personal hell?

“I’m nervous, J. Give me a break.”

He points ahead of us. “It gets easier with practice. I’m right here with you. Do you think I’d ever let anything bad happen? You’re doing fine, just breathe.”

I let out a deep sigh, trying to calm not only my nerves but my hormones and the pounding between my legs over being in this enclosed space with the man that’s starred in all of my fantasies for the past three years.

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