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“Okay, one question at a time,” I tell her as I set my overnight bag on the floor. “It happened for the first time right before winter break. The night I slept over at his apartment and we left the next day. It never happened before then but I’ve been in love with him since I was like…thirteen?”
Her eyes widen as her mouth drops open. “No way,” she whispers. “Seriously? But you were like raised with him, right?”
“I know, it’s…unconventional.”
“Unconventional?” She scrunches her nose and brings her fingers to her mouth and begins chewing on her nail. “Gab, it’s weird. He’s your brother. It’s incest.”
My stomach turns hearing that word leave her lips. I know that’s what most people think, but it sounds so dirty. So wrong. Nothing about James and I could be wrong. “Technically not because we’re adopted siblings,” I tell her.
“Semantics and you know it,” she puts her hand up and I can hear the contempt in her voice.
“Yes, but at least we aren’t going to jail over it?” I try my hand at a joke but she gives me a look letting me know that she’s not amused.
She crosses her arms. “Who else knows?”
“Monica.”
She raises an eyebrow at me. “Oh? How did she take it?”
“Worse than you are,” I tell her honestly. “Oh and Isaac knows.”
She snorts. “Is that why he came last night? As like a decoy? So you two could slink off and fuck in the corner?”
“Well…I didn’t know Isaac knew at the time, but yes I think that may have been his reasoning.”
“And I played into that shit? Gab, I slept with him! And he’s probably not even interested,” she says slapping a palm to her forehead. “James was probably like keep her busy by any means necessary and of course what guy isn’t going to be thrilled that his ‘job’ got him laid in the process!”
“Okay, well no one told you to do all of that,” I tell her, not wanting to be blamed for her decisions on top of everything else. “But also, Isaac told James he thinks you’re hot, so while it may have been a plan at first, I think he is interested. And wait, what about Graham?” I ask referring to the guy she’s been seeing.
“That’s casual, and I mean…I didn’t really go out with the intention to hook up with anyone, but Isaac is fine as hell and you guys all disappeared last night! Granted I know why you did now, but Aubrey and Luna also were off somewhere doing whatever.” She waves her hand around. “I’m not a shitty person, Gabrielle. Graham and I aren’t serious.”
“Listen the only person casting judgment here is you.”
“This is way different! Like weren’t you two when you were adopted?”
“Yes. I know Harper. Okay? I know it’s a lot. This is why I haven’t told anyone yet. You think it’s a lot for you, how do you think my parents are going to take it? You know the parents that are also my boyfriend’s parents?” I begin to pace the length of the room suddenly feeling like I’m going to be sick at the thought of having to face my parents. The two people that have loved me unconditionally. Two people I’ve never ever wanted to disappoint. Would they still love me after this? There was a very tiny voice in the back of my head that whispered that James was not only their only son but theirs biologically which could mean in their eyes, I’m the problem. Despite Monica’s knee jerk reaction to blame James, my parents would blame me. The child that wasn’t always theirs that fucked everything up.
No. They wouldn’t think that. They love you.
“Boyfriend?” Harper’s eyebrows shoot to her hairline. “I thought you guys were just messing around…you’re serious?”
“Yeah, Harp. I am. I told you, I’ve been in love with him for years. And now he’s finally where I’ve been for over a third of my life; I’m not going to let him go.”
“Wow. I mean I think it’s totally weird and I won’t ever think it’s not.” She scrunches her nose. “But I guess he isn’t your biological brother.”
“Right.”
“You sure you know what you’re doing, Gab? I mean…relationships change. People change. What happens if one or both of you wants to end it? I mean how do you go back? Family gatherings will be so fucking awkward. I’d rather eat broken glass than sit through dinners and holidays and play nice with any of my exes.” The judgment that I’d heard in her voice has slowly shifted into something else. Something like worry.
“I don’t see this ending with James. I wouldn’t have crossed this line if I was ever planning to uncross it.”
“You say that, but you don’t know what life has in store for you. You’re eighteen, Gab. You don’t have your life figured out yet.”
“Maybe not, but I do have who I want to spend it with figured out.”
