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“They are allowing me a few days to decide,” she said. “I am unsure how well I will manage until my ankle is fully healed. They seem confident there will be plenty to occupy my time until then.”
“Ah,” he said.
She said nothing.
“Well,” he said when the silence became deafening, “I am relieved I didn’t spoil the entire Season for you after all. That is something to be grateful for.”
“Yes,” she said.
“It should be quite exciting, what with the additional celebrations following Napoleon’s abdication.”
“The Duke of Aylesham has told us that there will be dignitaries from the Continent who will be in attendance at such events,” she said. “We had already heard that might be the case.”
“And so it will be a momentous time in history, and you will get to be part of it after all.”
“Ben—”
“And you will have the opportunity to make new friends amongst the ladies present and meet many young gentlemen,” Ben said, cutting her off. “I’m certain those gentlemen will find themselves smitten with you.”
“Ben—” she said again, her voice sounding more urgent.
He put his fingers over her lips to keep her from speaking—her sweet, exquisite lips that he had tasted. “Listen to me,” he whispered. “I remember your words; they are engraved upon my heart. But Icannotallow them to deter you from this opportunity. Only a few weeks ago, it was your dearest wish to finally experience your first Season in London after family circumstances required that you wait. You must go; you must enjoy yourself. You must flirt and allow flirtation, and in a few weeks’ time, you must dance. Youmustdance—forme. Only that will free me of the guilt I have felt these past weeks—surely you must see this to be true.”
He lowered his fingers, but his gaze stayed on her lips, which were trembling. “My dear friend, my dearest Rebecca, what a grand opportunity has been presented to you for a second time this Season! You must seize it. For your sake and for my own.”
“I don’t care about any of that anymore, don’t you see?” she cried. “They were but the expectations of a naive country girl dreaming of frivolous things! I would rather stay here with you. I want to help you heal.”
He glanced down at her ankle. “You’re the one who is in need of healing yet,” he said, hoping for a touch of levity to lighten their hearts.
“Do not make light of my words,” she said. “I know your pain is deeper than you are saying.Pleaselet me help you! Let me be your confidante and your support. I wish this above anything!”
It would be so easy to tell her about Rose’s paternal situation, but he was not nearly ready to reveal that secret to anyone, not even Rebecca. He must bear it alone for now and take whatever time he required to be at peace with the situation. “How exciting it is that you will be able to do that healing while in the opulence of London Society—listening to fine music and attending lectures and teas,” he said. “Meeting dignitaries and making friends. And having your pick of the many suitors who will be eager to court you.” He placed a tender kiss on her forehead and then looked deeply into her eyes. “I cannot hold you back from that,” he said softly. “It would break me if I took that from you a second time.”
“You wish me to go?” she asked, her lips still trembling.
“I have made that clear, have I not?” he replied, hating the words as he said them.
She nodded. Ben watched her delicate throat move as she swallowed. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and press her head to his shoulder and soothe her and tell her he loved her too, and that all would be well. But it wouldn’t be fair to her. Not right now, not when he could make no such assurances to her. Not when the matters surrounding his feelings for Rose still needed to be sorted out. He also needed to assure himself that scandal wouldn’t follow his family name—he wouldnotsubject Rebecca or her family to such a hardship were it to happen.
“Very well,” she said with resoluteness in her tone. “I shall go to London. I shall enjoy the historical celebrations, and I shall be glad to do so. I shall make friends and acquaintances, and I shall flirt and accept flirtations. And eventually, I shall dance.” Her lips were drawn in a straight, determined line now, but he could see that her eyes glistened with unshed tears.
Seeing her thus was breaking his heart in two. He’d barely discovered that his heart hadn’t completely abandoned him after his marriage to Gemma, and now, here it was, breaking. He could feel it.
“I have one small request,” he said, nearly choking as he spoke. “Please write to me, even if it’s only one letter, so that I may be assured that you are happy. Tell me about the great events that take place and the interesting people you meet. Will you do that for me?”
She nodded. And then a spark lit in her eyes, and she looked directly at him with a touch of defiance. “I will do so on one condition,” she said. “That you come to London to attend the ball Aylesham and Susan are to throw in my honor.”
“Rebecca—”
She placed her fingers over his lips this time, and he was nearly undone.
“I heard Aylesham say you are needed in the House of Lords,” she said. “Promise me that you will consider his words and that you will, at least, honor our friendship by attending the ball.”
He gently removed her fingers from his lips and kissed each finger one by one. “I promise to consider his words, but I have other obligations, and I must see to them first. And I promise that I will consider attending the ball, but I cannot promise I will be able to attend.”
“I shall send you an invitation,” she said.
“Anything you write to me will be received with gladness.”
