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He looked her in the eye. “Yes.”
“Why did you choose to enlist when you could have asked your father to purchase a commission for you?”
“I was eighteen, nearly nineteen—a foolish young cub whose masculinepride had been hurt. I suppose I enlisted as a way to make everyone sufferguilt—‘See the poor, hurt young man who is now mucking about in trenches and may be shot and killed, all because unrequited love has driven him to extreme measures.’ I don’t know. I didn’t ask my father to purchase a commission for me because he would have talked me out of going, and I was determined to go. I think I also blamed my family for being complicit in Thomas’s courtship of Isobel. It was all rubbish thinking on my part. I learned my lessonthe hard way over the course of seven long years.”
“Tell me about Spain,” she said.
“It’s difficult to appreciate the beauty of a landscape when one is on a long march. One simply concentrates on putting one’s foot in front of the other.” Before she could respond, he went on. “Spain is dry and hot. It can be dry and cold. And it can also rain torrents. I had my fill of all three. It is not like England in appearance at all, and I suppose, had I been there under other circumstances, I might have considered it exotically beautiful. But I cannot separate the place from the experiences I had there. At least not yet.”
She reached out and ran her finger down the scar along his hairline. “Did you get this while you were there? Do you have other scars?”
“Yes.” The word was nearly a growl that came from deep inside his throat.
Lavinia had flirted over the years; alienating male admirers wouldn’t have been good for box-office receipts. She wasn’t flirting with Lucas though; her questions were direct, as were his answers. She’d touched his scar impulsively, out of compassion, and doing so had made his experiences in Spain real to her. But the willow tree fairly vibrated now from the attraction between them. She didn’t know what to do, having never allowed herself to feel attracted to any man. It had always been too dangerous before.
She mentally called on Ruby to help her out of her predicament. Rubywould lower her eyelashes and say some sighing, witty thing that would simultaneously encourage and deter the gentleman in question. But Ruby was nowhereto be found.
“Lavinia—” Lucas said, his voice still sounding deep and rough and doing something startling to Lavinia’s insides.
“If I were younger,” Lavinia chirped, interrupting Lucas, afraid of what he would say or do and of how she was feeling, “I would pull on a pair of breeches and climb to the very top of this tree.” She tipped her head back to view the top of the canopy and then pointed. “See? To that branch. It must be a wonderful view up there. I would be able to see all of Alderwood, I daresay, and even to the village beyond.”
“Not quite to the village. I know, because I’ve done exactly what you are suggesting on more occasions than I can count during my childhood and early youth. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Susan herself hasn’t sneaked out here in a pair of our brothers’ breeches to do the same.” He paused. “Lavinia—” he began again.
“I knew I liked Susan, from our first introduction. And Rebecca too; she’s such a lovely girl.”
“I think so too. But before you begin to wax rhapsodic over each of my siblings and start listing all their qualities in alphabetical order—”
“I wasn’t going to do anything of the sort. Don’t be ridiculous. But I can’t help but admire Susan, who is so clever; I quite like that about her, and Rebecca is sweet and gentle. And they have both been kind and welcoming since we arrived.”
“I’m glad you feel that way,” he said. “Lavinia—”
“What? What do you want?” she cried, unable to deal with the anxiety any longer. “Do you want to kiss me; is that it?”
His gaze dropped to her mouth at her words. “Well, yes, frankly, but—”
“Then do it! Get it over with!”
“But,” he said with emphasis, “what I was going to suggest is that we spend some of our time alone here discussing how to proceed since my rashness has gotten us into a fix. Andwhat the devildo you mean by ‘get it over with’?”
She froze, her eyes glued to his face. He brought his free hand up, and she flinched and pressed back against the trunk of the tree. But instead of slapping her or grabbing her, as she’d half expected him to do, he laid his hand gently on her shoulder.
“Devil take it—you’re as white as a sheet,” he said, looking stricken. “You can’t think I was going to . . . Lavinia, I would never strike a woman or assault one.Never. I’m appalled that you would think, even for a moment, that you were in any kind of danger with me. Have I not proven myself trustworthy to you so far? There have been plenty of opportunities for me to take advantage, if that had been my intent.
“And furthermore, when I said I wanted to kiss you, that was the truth. But even at that, I would never do so without your permission or your desire to kiss me back. I havesisters, for heaven’s sake! If some man were to . . . toanyof my sisters, I would call the bounder out, and my brothers would have to get in line behind me.” He turned and stared out into the distance while he appeared to rein in his emotions.
“Lucas,” Lavinia said once she had found her voice. “I’ve never kissed a man before.”
He turned and looked at her skeptically.
“See? Evenyoubelieve I have a history with men. I can see it in your face.”
“I don’t know what you can see in my face. But I do know you have a history with men, and I don’t believe it has been a particularly pleasant one. You reacted with fear just now. I saw that same look on the faces of the women and girls in Spain. War doesn’t always make heroes. It frequently brings out the worst in people.” He cupped her cheek with his hand, and she nearly wept. “Tell me, Lavinia, about these men.”
“You’re right. Must I say more? I have been kissed, Lucas, but I have never kissed.”
“Where was your father when all of this was going on?”
“He was too busy at the pubs and bawdy houses to care, and when he died, I’m sorry to say, it was no great loss to anyone. Even me.” She suddenly felt tired to the bone. The day had begun with such hope and had gone through such highs and lows since then. “Perhaps it is time to return to the house,” she said.
