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Mum knocks on my door not long after Hannah leaves. She gives me a
small smile as she sits on the edge of my bed, but it doesn’t reach her tired, red eyes.
“Hey bud,” she says, wiping my hair back off my forehead. Her eyes dart to the stitches above my eye and she quickly removes her hand, letting my hair flop back into place. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine, Mum.” I sit up and lean back against the wall, pulling my knees up to my chest.She just buried her husband and she’s checking up on me?“How are you?”
“I’ll be okay.” She leans over and kisses the top of my head. “I still have you and your brothers.”
I nod. Tears sting my eyes, but I blink them back.
“It sucks.”
“Yeah.” Mum sighs. “It does suck.”
Sniffing, I run my hands over my face. “I’m sorry.”
“Honey, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Do you understand me?” Mum squeezes my hand hard.
“But–”
She shakes her head. “No buts. None of this is your fault and I don’t want you thinking it is. Your dad wouldn’t want you blaming yourself and neither do I.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “If I–”
“Oliver, stop.”
My eyes snap up to Mum’s. She hasn’t raised her voice at me since I was fifteen and I smashed a window playing cricket in the backyard.
She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I’m sorry, honey. But I need you to understand you are not to blame for any of this. We all miss your dad, and as difficult as it is, we all have to find a way to move forward. And the only way we can do that is to do it together.”
There’s no point arguing with her. She doesn’t understand. No one understands.
“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry Mum.” I fake a yawn. “I’m beat. I’m gonna try get some sleep.”
She purses her lips but doesn’t call me out on my lie. “Are you hungry? I can bring you some dinner?”
I shake my head.
“Okay. I love you.” She kisses the top of my head again, and I force a smile as she stands up.
“Love you too.”
Mum pauses at the door. “I really think you should talk to someone.”
I close my eyes. “Yeah, maybe.”
She sighs again and closes the door. I roll over and face the wall. I know that everyone is trying to look out for me, but they don’t get it. How could they? They weren’t there.
∞
“Dad!” I scream. Tyres screech. The smell of burning rubber permeates my nose. My heart beats rapidly. I brace my hands on the dashboard; the crunch of metal sending my head flying into the passenger window as the airbags deploy. A flash of blinding pain. My skull feels like it’s cracking in two.
Someone is shaking my shoulder, but I can’t see anything through the spots on my vision.
“Dad?” I call, fear soaking deep into my bones. “Dad? Answer me!” I blink a couple of times trying to clear my vision, but pain is reverberating through my now thumping head, making me feel nauseous.
“Oli?” There’s a gentle squeeze on my shoulder.
