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Nick claps me on the shoulder with a grin and passes me another drink before he gets called across the room. I clear my throat, downing half of my drink, and as I watch Sarah and Caley dance with each other my thoughts are consumed with the possibility of losing my virginity tonight.
“So, you really like her then?” Tiana’s quiet voice startles me, and I almost choke on my drink.
“Sorry, what?” I splutter, coughing a little.
“Sarah.” She nods in the direction of her friends. “You really like her?”
“What makes you ask?” A smile tugs at the corner of my lips as Sarah looks over and blows me a kiss.
Tiana shrugs. “Just be careful. She’s… there’s things you don’t know. She just has a lot going on in her life right now.”
I hear the double meaning in her words, and I narrow my eyes. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing.” She shakes her head and her cheeks flush as she glances down at her phone again.
But I can’t just let it go. It reminds me too much of what Hannah had said. “Is there something I should know?” I turn towards her and another thought occurs to me as I ask my next question. “Are you on the school magazine with Hannah?”
Tiana looks over at Sarah before glancing down at her phone and then back up at me. “No.” Her phone beeps again, and she sighs. “Tell Sarah I’ve gone home. I’ll call her tomorrow.”
Before I can say anything else, she’s pushed her way through the crowd and disappeared.What the hell is going on? Why would Hannah lie to me about that? It doesn’t make sense. Is she jealous and trying to turn me off Sarah?I don’t get it. Hannah’s never lied to me before, and it hurts. Even more confused about what is going on with my best friend I pick up the discarded bottle of tequila. I need to get drunk and forget about Hannah and her games. Pouring myself another shot, I knock it back before making my way over to Sarah and Caley.
Sarah wraps her hands around my neck, grinding against me as we dance. I brush her hair behind her ear, kissing her a little more aggressively than I’d intended, but she just pushes herself closer to me and I drop one hand to her waist, the other snakes through her hair, as I deepen the kiss.
“Wanna take this somewhere a little more private?” she asks, looking up at me with hooded eyes.
I nod. She takes my hand, leading me down a hallway away from the party. There are couples making out and others sitting on the floor, having intense drunken conversations I’m sure they’ll have no memory of in the morning. We step over their legs, my heart racing as I follow her. I tug on her hand and she stops, looking back at me with questioning eyes. I pull her towards me, brushing my thumb over her cheek as I kiss her.
Sarah puts her hand against my chest, pushing me away. “Not here,” she giggles. “Come on.” Her crooked smile and the way she bites her swollen bottom lip has all the blood in my head rushing down to my jeans as I follow her further down the hallway to a set of stairs at the end.
At the top of the stairs, she opens the first door on the right. “Oops, sorry!” She giggles again as she backs into me, and my eyebrows rise as I take in the three topless guys and two girls snorting white powder. The next room is occupied by another couple. My heart pounds in my chest at the thought of what I’m about to do. Without meaning to, Hannah’s face flashes through my mind. I’ve been such an asshole towards my best friend, I kissed her and now I’m drunk and about to have sex with someone to try and forget about her? That’s not fair to Hannah, and it’s not fair to Sarah.
Just as Sarah’s about to try a third room I stop her. She looks up at me, her hand still on the door handle. “I… uh… I don’t know if I can do this.”Shit. What the hell am I doing?I take a deep breath. “We’ve only known each other a couple of weeks. I don’t think we should rush it, you know?”
“Are you sure?” Sarah reaches up and brushes her body against me as her lips trace their way from my neck, to my jaw, to my lips.
I take a step back, running my fingers through her hair. “I’m sure. I’m sorry, but I think we just need to slow it down a little.”
She nods slowly, moving away from me and leaning her back up against the wall. “Did I do something wrong?”
I shake my head. “No. Not at all. It’s me.”
“It’s not you, it’s me.” She groans and rolls her eyes. “Really? You’re going to give me that line?”
I swallow. This is definitely not how I saw this going. “It is. As lame as it sounds. It really is me. I… uh… I’m just not…” I search for the right words. “I’m not ready for… for this.”
“Is it Hannah?” She narrows her eyes at me, and I freeze.
“No,” I choke out. “No. It’s not.”
The sound of glass smashing and shouting floats up from the party below and I glance behind me, saved by Nick and Caley’s voices shouting our names. Sarah pushes past me and heads down the stairs. I pinch the bridge of my nose before following behind her.
“Sorry cuz,” Nick glances between the two of us, clearly sensing the tension. “A fight broke out and someone called the cops. We gotta get outta here.”
The cool air hits me like a bucket of ice water as we hightail it outside. Kids are already taking off down the street and we follow. The ten-minute walk back to Sarah’s is too short and she’s spent it whispering with Caley as they follow behind Nick and I. Hovering at the end of her street, I rub the back of my neck.
“Can we talk?” I look at Sarah pointedly. Caley links her elbow through Nicks, giving me a smile and a wave as they head down the street towards Sarah’s house.
“I’m sorry about tonight,” I say, hands in my pocket, eyes fixed to the curb as I kick at it. “Not exactly how I planned it to end.”
