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He chuckles. “Thanks,” he calls over his shoulder, scooping up the ball. He drops it on to his foot, kicking it straight into my chest.
“What for?” I ask, smiling as my next kick also goes askew. I never did get the hang of kicking.
“This.” Oliver waves his hand back and forth between us before jogging over to grab the ball from where it landed five metres to his left. “A bit of normal. It’s nice. I needed it.”
Warmth spreads over me. It is nice. We haven’t done this since before the accident. “Even if my footy skills are not the greatest?” I giggle as I try to catch the ball, but it bounces off my chest.
He laughs as my kick dribbles across the ground towards him. “Even if.”
We kick the football back and forth for a little while before dropping down on to the ground next to each other, laying on our backs, looking up into the darkening blue sky.
I take a deep breath. “I know we, um, argued last time we talked…” I trail off waiting to see if he’ll say anything, but he just lays there silently, so I continue. “I don’t know what’s going on with us, but I thought, um, maybe we could… I don’t know… try and maybe get back to before, or something?” My cheeks heat up and I feel like an idiot.
“Before?” he repeats, his voice strained.
I nod, even though he’s not looking at me. My stomach rolls and I wrap my arms around it. We’d had such a fun afternoon, why’d I have to open my stupid mouth and ruin it?
Oliver shakes his head. “Before what?” He finally looks over at me. “Before my dad died? Before we kissed? Before I hooked up with Sarah?”
I wince.
“Things have never been this hard between us before.” There’s a huge lump in my throat, and I realise it might not be as easy as I thought to salvage what we once had.
“Things change Hannah.” Oliver lets out a deep sigh. “People change. I’ve changed. You’ve changed. Things can’t always stay the same forever. Shit happens in life. You’ve just gotta get on with things the best you can.” His voice breaks, and he looks away again.
“I know,” I say. “That’s not what I–”
“I’ve made some mistakes this year,” he says, and my stomach plummets off a ten-storey building.
Am I one of those mistakes?Of course I am. Things haven’t been awkward and strained between us since that night.
He sucks in a deep breath. “But I’m trying to move on from them. I really am trying.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
He turns his head to look at me and narrows his eyes. “You don’t have anything to apologise for. It’s all me. Everything I’ve done has led us here. I needed new footy boots. I couldn’t help my dad. I pushed everyone away. I kissed you. I kissed Sarah. I…” Olive’s voice trails off.
“Oli?” As much as I don’t want to hurt him anymore, I need to know one thing. “Why did you kiss me?”
“I…” he clears his throat. “I don’t know.”
“Oh.” I try to keep the disappointment from my voice as I turn away from him.
“Han, I… I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice hitches. He curses and I flinch. “I just wish this didn’t hurt so much.”
I reach over to squeeze his hand and he turns into me, burying his head in my hair. My heart breaks for my best friend as I lay there on the football oval with him sobbing on my shoulder. He’s still going through so much, and I can’t be mad at him for that.
“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” he says, finally, his words muffled. “I’m exhausted. I seem to be letting everyone down these days. You, Jake, Mum, Sam, Sarah… I get that you don’t like her, and it sucks. I hate seeing you upset, but she’s part of my life now too, and I wish you could accept that.”
Sighing, I shrug my shoulder so that Oliver looks at me. “So, you’re still seeing her then? Even after what I told you?”
He winces. “Can we not talk about this right now. Can we just try and get past it?”
I narrow my eyes. “She’s using you. She’s being horrible to me. How can you not see–”
He raises his hands to stop me. “I don’t want to fight. Please. She’s not using me. She broke up with Joel before we hooked up. I don’t know what Tiana supposedly told you, but Tiana told me she’s not even on the school magazine.” He scrambles to his feet, looking down at me. “Can we just drop it? Please?”
Hurt bubbles away in the pit of my stomach. I sit up, pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on them. I stare at the ground, unable to look at him.
