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“There’s no quick fix for those, I’m afraid.”
“So, what am I here for then?”
“Sometimes focusing on the future and having something to work toward can help you to redirect your attention elsewhere. There are also some meditation exercises we can try as well.”
I scoff.
“What do you want out of these sessions, Oliver?”
“I dunno.” I check my watch, counting down the minutes until I’ll be out of here and sitting on a lounge chair under the sprinkler in Hannah’s backyard.
∞
“My god, it’s like fifty degrees today,” Hannah complains forty-five minutes later, moving her chair closer to the sprinkler spraying out crisp cold water. She pulls her hair off her face, tying it back with an elastic.
“Mmmhmm.” I close my eyes under my sunglasses.
“What did you do this morning while I was at work?”
Hannah works at Bluebird Books, a small independent bookstore in town.
“Nothing.” My stomach churns as I lie to her, but I don’t want her knowing about the meds or the sessions with Eric. I don’t want her thinking I’m a mess.
“Can you believe there’s only one more week left of school holidays?”
“Thank God,” I mutter.
“You hate school.” She laughs. “Since when are you keen to be locked up in a classroom for six hours a day?”
I shrug. Going back to school means a reprieve from my family who’ve been walking on eggshells around me. Jake keeps watching me like I’m about to lose it. Mum’s constantly on the verge of tears and finds any reason to touch me, as if reassuring herself I’m still here. Sam’s more direct, constantly asking me if I’m okay. I can’t wait until he goes back to Melbourne for his post-grad next month, because I don’t know how much longer I can hold off from slugging him if he keeps it up.
“Hey Oli, can we go kick the footy later?” Brad asks.
He stands on Hannah’s back deck, squinting in the bright sunlight. I rub my face. I haven’t picked up a footy since the day before the accident.
“Uh…sorry mate, I’ve got a gym session.” My chest tightens as his face drops. Hannah told me he’s been considering giving up playing because he isn’t as confident as some of the other kids in his team. I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Maybe tomorrow morning? Before it gets too hot.”
“Awesome!” He grins before disappearing inside.
“Thanks.” Hannah smiles over at me. “He looks up to you, you know, Mr Future AFL Star.”
I force my lips to turn up. Getting on an AFL club list was a dream I shared with my dad. I always wanted to take the next step that he missed out on after his career-ending knee injury. Back then when someone did their knee, there was no reconstructive surgery. That was it. You were done.
“When do you find out about the draft camp?” Hannah’s question brings me back from my thoughts.
“Not until August. But two clubs have already contacted me, so I only need one more.”
“Victorian or interstate?”
My chest tightens at the thought of moving away from Hannah. She’s been the one good thing in my life since losing my dad. I swallow the lump in my throat before answering. “One of each. Richmond and Adelaide.”
She reaches over and squeezes my arm. “Your dad would be so proud.”
“Uh huh.”
∞
Later in the evening I’m in the garage doing pull-ups on the gymnastics rings Dad installed as part of the gym he’d set up when Sam comes out and sits down on the bench press.
