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Chapter Thirty-nine
The day passed slowly for Charli, catching up on her paperwork and exercising, running away from her demons and finding them beside her on the treadmill.
She had to stay away from Blake. Her defenses were screwed; he’d gotten through once. And after her earlier discussion with Poppa John, she feared he’d break through again.
***
That morning, when Gramps woke to see her in the chair next to his bed, he’d sat up and made room for her to snuggle against the wall next to him.
“You shouldn’t have stayed with me, kiddo. I’m fine. You must have been uncomfortable, sleeping in that dumb ol’ chair.”
“I wanted to be close by. You had some pretty nerve-wracking experiences. I was scared you might react.”
“Or maybe you were hiding from Blake.”
“Excuse me?” Stunned, she glared at him.
“Sweetheart, don’t give me the evil-eye, and stop fighting it. Blake’s a good man. He can make you happy. Give him a chance.”
“You don’t know that, Popsicle. You only met him yesterday.”
“In person, yes. But, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen you look like a woman who’d just felt joy in a man’s arms. Don’t give me that glare. I can tell when two people have just been together.”
“We weren’t.”
“Tell that to someone without a brain and one good eye. Besides, I listened to his partner brag about the guy all the way over here. And, I saw the infatuation plastered all over his face the minute I stepped through the door. He’s smitten.”
“What you didn’t pick up on was that he’s a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy. I’ve already been warned by one of the women he’s left.”
“At least he’s honest and doesn’t purposely break their hearts.” When she gave him the how-the-hell-do-you-know kind of look, he admitted, “His partner might have also mentioned that the women in town flock to him like bees to a honeypot. Besides, isn’t that kind of your scenario? How many men have you dated over the years with no intentions of letting them get close?”
“That’s different. I needed to focus on my career.”
“Bulltoodie.”
“Grandpa!”
“Then quit lying, kiddo. You’ve been terrified all your life to let any man get close.” He held up his hand. “Anyone but me. And I don’t count because I’m family. Besides, I was in your life before the accident.”
“Don’t talk about it.” She stiffened. The desperation in the suddenly hard tone she used normally kept him off the subject.
“Why not? Because it makes you cry? Because it scares you?”
“Because it fills me with so much sadness that it takes me days to crawl out again.”
“Look, Charli. You’ve played that angle with me for the last time. I’m not gonna let you get away with it anymore. I never should have from the beginning. You have to face the fact that the accident wasn’t your fault. So, you called for your dad to look at the pretty tree, and he hit the deer and went off the road. It was an accident.”
“But I caused it. And they both died. Only I survived.”
“Sweetheart, you’re no longer a child. Look at it from the angle of your dad or your mom. Would they have wanted you to live in purgatory because of that moment? You suffered enough, spent all night alone down in that gully with a broken leg, crying and scared, not knowing where you were or what had happened. Isn’t that punishment sufficient for even a harsh judge like you? A ten-year-old little girl, Charli. Think of it. Enough! Give yourself a break. Quit being such a coward and open the door to your heart.”
“Oh, Gramps, do you really believe I’ve never fallen in love because of that day?”
“Yes, to put it bluntly. Yes. I believe you’ve refused to feel alive, to love and be happy. How could you, when you thought they’d lost their lives because of what you did?”
“Poppa John!” He’d never been so brutally blunt before.
“Face facts, Charli. Most of your life, you’ve lived with that hideous belief. And it’s torturing you, keeping you in a prison of your own making. You need to open the cell, kiddo. You’re the only one with the keys.”
