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We took turns driving while the other rested and managed to make what should have been a two-day trip turn into one.
The closer we got to my old home, the more mixed up I felt. When I left I assumed that was it for me. That I’d never return. Yet here we were heading right back to Torryn so I could beg him to save my mates. Something I honestly didn’t think he would be too keen on. I wasn’t oblivious. Torryn had tried to get me to date him over the years but I didn’t want to be tied down, not to a place that brought me so much misery. And after Meira’s supposed death how could I give the pack even a second thought. I needed distance to keep my sanity, everything and everyone on those grounds would just remind me of what I lost and how out of place I was.
“You’re going to have to trust me when we get there,” I told Nyx. He was driving with his eyes focused on the highway but my words had him tensing. His knuckles were white and his jaw clenched when he turned to me.
“On what?” Clearly he knew me well enough to know I was dancing around the truth.
“These scars?” I started. Yeah, that didn’t help his mood at all. His eyes immediately darkened and he started driving even faster. “They were punishments. If they are going to listen to me at all or let me step foot back inside, then I’ll have to take mine.”
“If you think I’m going to stand aside and let them do this to you again, you’re insane,” he growled. I’d always considered him my Loki-like mate: sweet, funny, and mischievous. Right now he looked deadlier than Leven. But that wouldn’t help us this time. We needed calm, strategic decisions and this was my sacrifice to make for the pack.
“You have to. We need them to help save our pack. End of story. With the numbers they’d provide we could take the Bluffs back, Nyx. I have to do this and you have to let me,” I pleaded. “I can take it. I’ll heal the moment we leave this place unlike before. And if that’s what it takes for us to gain an ally in this war, I’m willing to do it.”
“The fact they wouldn’t let you heal makes me fucking sick,” he groaned. “Baby, I can’t. If I have to watch that I’ll kill them all.”
“Torryn did,” I countered. “Anytime he could.” It was easy to put all the blame on the alpha but I wasn’t naive. Nor was I as oblivious as Torryn thought. I was able to see the pack politics and know that he was in just as hard of a situation as I was. And despite it all. I knew the rules and I chose to disobey them. My punishments were on me, though they never should have been so barbaric. But these scars… they were the fault of the elders. Sadistic fucks.
“You can. Or you can stay in the car,” I argued. My voice was firm and he slammed his hand into the steering wheel. Fuck, I hated going into this angry but it seemed our only option now.
“Fuck that! No, I’m not staying in the car,” he yelled loud enough it echoed in the van. He turned to me with a glare, green eyes full of fury and loathing for the men who’d wronged me in the past. “I’ll let you take the lead, but I’ll challenge him for alpha before I let him hurt you again.”
“You. Have. To. They won’t hurt me. I’m strong,” I argued again. At this point we were going in circles, two stubborn sides of the argument that weren’t willing to budge. I knew damn well this was our ticket to saving them, and if he’d put his anger aside, he’d see it too.
“Do you realize how you sound right now?” he demanded. “You are begging me to let someone fucking hurt my mate. Someone who has in the past and she has the scars to prove it.”
“And your mate is asking for your trust,” I shot back. “They’re the closest pack with worthwhile numbers. I’ll be honest, I don’t know much about their security, I didn’t care enough to see back then. But either way, the pack is not close, but it’s not as small as our pack and that’s what counts here. And to sweeten the deal, once they save us, you can punch Torryn and I won’t even be upset.”
He let out a slow breath and a small smile curled the edge of his lips.
“Fine. I’m going to make it a good one,” he finally said. He was attempting to lighten the mood but his entire body was tense with anger. “I just want you to know how fucked up this all is. It’s not normal behavior. Packs shouldn’t be like this and in the past they weren’t. I don’t know where wolves fucked up along the way, but help shouldn’t be conditional, neither should caring for your pack. Former or current.”
“I can’t disagree,” I muttered. “Torryn had mentioned taking me on as his Luna before I left, but I refused. I didn’t want to stay there. Even then I knew that something was missing from that pack. Now that I’ve had time with our pack, I get it. There was no heart, only strict traditions that kept us from thriving. That and all the shitty memories. The hardest part about it all was that I never hated Torryn. We were friends growing up and until he was set in the alpha path, I thought he was going to be a great leader one day. But it seems traditions are stronger than morals when the entire elder council is against change. He was in an impossible position.”
“So he wanted youandhe hurt you? Yeah, he’s on my shit list. I hope we find the witches so I can hex his ass,” Nyx muttered angrily.
That had me laughing. Mainly because I knew Nyx meant every fucking word. I’d have to cling to that humor because in a few short hours we’d be approaching my past.
“Wanted me, yes. Hurt me? He tried not to,” I shrugged.
“Same thing,” he growled. We stopped speaking before this conversation could tank even more. But in the silence my mind wouldn’t stop thinking of how far this war would tear us apart. First Callum… but who would be next? Would it ever fucking end?
“I love you, Nyx,” I said quietly as I stared out the window.
“No goodbyes, Vanya,” he said in a soft voice that matched mine. “This isn’t over for our pack or our group. Callum is strong, so is Leven, and we are too. We’ll be back together. With or without this pack’s help.”
“We will,” I agreed as I blinked back tears. Crying wasn’t something I did often but right now the world around me felt like it was spiraling wildly out of control.
The final few hours of the trip were tense. Nyx was angry I was even considering this, and I was stuck in my own spiral of pity.
After we’d stopped for one last tank of gas, we switched so I could drive the last twenty minutes to pack lands. The closer we got to the pack the more uneasy I felt. It went beyond my normal nerves. Even the forest around us was too still, no movement or scent hitting us through the open windows at all.
“There was a battle here,” Nyx said. I slowed down to take in the spot he pointed out. The tree trunks on his side of the car were marred with claw marks and blood. It was long dried but it was still there. Worried now, I picked up the speed until I passed through the entrance to Torryn’s pack.
The town showed even more signs of aggression. The dirt and grass were burned in spots and the small wooden fencing that ran alongside the cluster of cabins was broken and splintered. Three of the buildings near us were gutted and charred.
“What the hell?” I whispered as I climbed out. “Torryn?!”
A few pack members poked their heads out of their homes. But it was the face from the mess hall that had me rushing forward.
