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“You’realwaysgetting your shit together, Blaze,” she stressed through a frustrated chuckle. “I’m tired.”
“Aight, so I’ma give you rest. But like I said, we ain’t over. When I get my shit together, I’m coming back for you.”
The moment he disconnected the call, her tears began to fall.
eleven
Elite
Jah,
I knowyou probably ain’t expecting to hear from me. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting to write you. I’ve been thinking a lot since we’ve been apart, and the divorce gave me clarity on some shit that being in darkness had hidden.
I wanted to apologize to you.
For real.
When we first met, I fell in love with you quick as hell. You were everything I wanted in a woman and then some. Even in your perfection, I held you being a woman against you. I know that sounds crazy, but women had been hurting me all my life. My mother wasn’t the most active and present nurturer. I found myself trying to win her conditional love. As a man, I’m able to look back now and see she was like you—a young woman who became a wife and mother too soon.
She did the best she could with the situation she was in, but my mother was unhappy, and I felt that shit in the way she cared for us. When she started cheating, she was like a new person. I was too young then to realize it was because she was stepping out, but my father had his doubts. He came home early that day to his worst fear… his wife in bed with another man.
Her hurting him hurt me in ways you’ll never be able to understand. I didn’t just lose her. I lost my father and my innocence too. The shit Debra, our foster mom, put me and Preme through… I can’t even speak to this day. I went from a mother who resented me to a foster mother who used and abused me. When I became an adult, I wanted to use women to get even… but my heart wouldn’t allow me to.
I ended up gravitating toward women like my mother and Debra because that was what I was used to.
Then I met you. And you were perfect… but you were like my mother. I tried to go above and beyond to earn your love, though it should have been given freely. Once we got married, I can admit that I stopped putting forth as much effort. For some reason, I thought marriage would permanently make you love me and treat me right. I could have done a hell of a lot more, just like you.
When you cheated, it took me back to my parents. It took me back to that afternoon… getting home from school and finding my father huddled up in a corner, crying his eyes out as he stared at my mother’s lifeless body. I’m so fucking sorry for putting my hands on you. And I’m sorry for not providing a safe enough space for you to feel like you could learn yourself while you were with me. If I would have paid more attention to you, I would have seen how unhappy you were.
Did that unhappiness justify your cheating? No. But I get it, Jah. I do.
I understand now that you can love someone and still have so little respect or discipline that you do something that will intentionally hurt them just to satisfy yourself. And though I would have never done that to you, I did something just as bad. I withheld the truth. I should have told you about my vasectomy and that I wanted us to wait at least five years to start our family. That was my insecurity peeking through.
Hell, I didn’t know how to be a good husband and I wasn’t sure I would be a good father. It was different with your girls because, along with me, they had Dedrick. So I just wanted to genuinely apologize. I didn’t want you to think you were the only one to blame in this equation. You asked me to forgive you, and I can finally say I’m on the path of doing so. I hope you are well, and I’m here if you need anything while you’re locked down. Keep your head up…
Elite
After lookingover the letter that he planned to mail to Jacintha one last time, Elite put it in the envelope, sealed and stamped it, then headed to the mailbox to put it inside. As he walked to the front door, Nicole greeted him with a wave.
“Are you ready to see what I’ve done, brother?” Nicole asked, smiling widely.
“I am actually,” Elite replied, smiling just as wide.
He was tired of being at the hotel at this point. After everything that happened, the judge granted their divorce at their first hearing. He didn’t want to risk things being held up by Jacintha’s trial. But Jacintha surprised Elite by choosing not to go to trial and pleaded guilty. When she learned that the district attorney planned to call Elite as a witness, she made it clear that she didn’t want to do that and put him through any more drama.
Elite expected the judge to give her probation or at least a month-long sentence, but she ended up getting a year, however, she would only have to do six months. Instead of putting the house on the market, Elite rented it out to one of his homies who had recently gotten out of prison. He had a baby girl and was trying to be on his best behavior so he could propose to his girlfriend soon. Lamonte had gotten a job working for Aiyden and Damien, and with Elite helping with housing, he was straight for the time being.
For himself, Elite ended up getting a five-bedroom home in Lakeland that Nicole decorated. She’d always been into that kind of shit, and since Elite wasn’t, it seemed like the perfect opportunity for her to showcase her skills.
As he opened the door, Elite chuckled at Nicole’s happy dance. She seemed to be more excited than he was. Since purchasing the home, he’d only seen it once before she started. He gave her access to his bank account and told her there was no limit, so Elite couldn’t wait to see what she’d done. Every once in a while, she sent him pictures for his input, but for the most part, he didn’t care. As long as she stuck to the colors he asked for, that was all that mattered.
“Preme already in here?” Elite asked.
“Yes, but you know what part of the house he’s at.”
Elite chuckled and nodded his head. If he knew his brother, Supreme was outside at the pool.
“Wow,” Elite muttered, stepping into the foyer. “Damn, sis. I’m impressed.”
