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“For what?”
Shrugging, Elite took a sip of his Corona. “Shit, I’on know. I guess getting cheated on made me view that situation a little different from when we were younger. I still feel like he was wrong, but it made me empathize and relate with him in a way that I hadn’t been able to before.”
“So what? You wanna see the nigga or some?”
“Maybe. I don’t know. I mean… We stayed away because we felt like what he did was unforgivable, right?” Supreme nodded. “Because of my situation, I know how quickly shit can get out of control. He didn’t mean to push Mama so hard she fell onto that heel. It was truly an accident. I can see that now. When I pushed Jah, all I saw was Mama laying on the ground. That could’ve been my wife.” Elite cleared his throat and swallowed hard as his eyes watered. “I could’ve hurt her, or worse, because of my anger. I was angry because I was hurting, though, and I can’t help but empathize with the man now. He’d never been abusive to any of us. Hell, he was more nurturing than she was. But that betrayal and hurt… that anger… that’s what did them both in. I was almost him, Preme.”
Sighing, Supreme hung his head briefly. “I hear you.”
“Now I ain’t saying what either of them did was right, and he was still wrong as hell for putting his hands on her, but I can see now that it was an accident. One that he’s paid for.”
“I get that, but I’m still not sure I’m ready for that yet. That was my Mama, even if she wasn’t the best one. Plus, him accidentally killing her and going to prison was the reason we ended up in foster care and had to deal with Debra’s demented ass. He might not have been directly responsible for what she put us through, especially you, but I hold him accountable for that.”
Elite’s head shook as he turned to the right slightly. “You can’t do that, brother. That’s what Jacintha did to me. She held me responsible for ol’ boy fucking her up and making her lose the baby. Her ass wanted me to pay for that shit just because I had a vasectomy that made me aware of her cheating. If you hold Greg accountable for Debra’s actions, you’ll never truly forgive him and have peace in your heart. I ain’t saying you gotta have a bond with the nigga, but at least work that shit out enough to where you find your own peace. We fucked up behind what happened with our parents to the point where we can’t even live our lives for ourselves. You can’t fully surrender to your wife and trust her wholeheartedly, and I felt like I would be a bad husband and father and lied to my wife for years. We fucked up, Supreme. Ain’t no other way to say it.”
Supreme chugged his Cognac before releasing a long exhale. “Look at you. Sounding all wise and shit like you the oldest brotha.”
Elite chuckled. “I had to be growing up with your crazy ass.”
“Aight, so what you want me to do? I’ll find him for you if you want me to.”
“Do that, but meet him with me too. It don’t have to be right away, but I want you to sit down with him and have that talk.”
Supreme cut his eyes away from his brother before grumbling a quick, “Aight, nigga,” as he stood.
“That’s it?” Elite checked, arms outstretched as he grinned. “You don’t wanna talk no more?”
At the sight of Supreme flipping him off, Elite laughed as he stood and headed to the bar area to refresh his drink. On his way there, he felt Monique’s eyes on him. She was beautiful, that Elite wouldn’t deny, but dating or even getting some pussy wasn’t anywhere on Elite’s mind. He had bigger shit to worry about, and even if he didn’t, his heart was in prison with his ex-wife…
??????
Elite,
Wow.I wasn’t expecting to receive your letter, but I was glad to hear from you. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear you say those things until you said them. I’ve read it like a million times, and I cry every time.
I’m so sorry for taking you back to that headspace, but I think God is going to use this moment to make you a better man. Already, you’ve grown and you’re taking accountability for things that you never had before. I fought myself every step of that decision because I knew how it would hurt you if you found out. In that moment, I didn’t realize how blatant of a sign that was to my own issues, because in my right mind and happiest state, I would NEVER do anything to intentionally hurt you.
Baby, I’ve been so miserable and unhappy that I feel like I haven’t been myself. That’s no excuse, but it’s my truth. It took me having a taste of what I thought I wanted to realize I was trying to seek externally what could only be found internally.
The happiness and fun I was looking for should have been found with myself and my girls. You and my friends. I should have traveled and tried new things, gotten to know myself, started a business that I really, truly wanted to spend my time doing. Sought my purpose, because I’ve learned true fulfillment is attached to living your purpose for God. I’m sure it sounds cliché to mention becoming more spiritual while I’m locked down, but that’s what’s happening, lol.
I spend a lot of time reading nonfiction books and my bible. There’s no telling what’s in store for me when I get out, but I can honestly say it’s going to be better than I’ve ever had before.
I do accept your apology, and I forgive you. I know you will forgive me soon too. You need to, otherwise you won’t be able to move on. I feel in my spirit the need to tell you to heal everything that God reveals to you during this season. There’s a loving, safe, authentic life and love waiting for you… but you can’t get there without healing your old self from the wounds of your past. While I wish I could be the woman at your side on the other side, I accept that we were in each other’s lives for a season and a reason.
Thank you for loving me and my girls. We will never forget you. Hopefully, I will see you soon.
Jah
Smiling,Elite folded Jacintha’s letter and put it in his glove compartment. He didn’t think anything good could have come from what happened between them, but it seemed like God was working in them both. He had no plans to write her back, fearing too much conversing would bubble up old feelings and butterflies that needed to die.
At this point, as long as she was straight and didn’t need anything, Elite was at peace. He had been keeping in touch with MPD hoping they would be able to find Henry for Elite. With Jacintha being away, he couldn’t use her as bait to handle him personally. But Elite had faith that Henry would get his soon enough. Everyone had suffered in this situation except Henry, but Elite was going to makesurehe suffered most.
Not wanting to ruin his good mood, Elite got out of his pickup truck and stretched his legs. He was supposed to be meeting up with Kahlil and Tyreek for bowling and pool, but Kahlil ended up canceling at the last minute. While he waited for Tyreek, he decided to reread Jacintha’s letter, but that shit was putting him in his feelings.
At the sound of light laughter, Elite’s head turned to the right. His heart skipped a beat at the sight of the brown skinned beauty holding the hands of two children… one on each side of her. Her smile was bright and beautiful as she listened intently to what the little boy was saying. Elite couldn’t take his eyes off her. She wasn’t just beautiful… She had a glow about herself that his darkness desperately wanted to lose itself in.
But he was done with women for the time being.
