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It’s been a week since I officially became Sebastian Baxter’s girlfriend. I wish I could say that slapping a title on what we’re doing helped alleviate some of the unwanted attention I’ve been receiving, but that’s simply not the case.
I have learned to somewhat tune out the noise over the last few days. Sebastian was right when he saidpeople will talk.I can’t control what they say any more than I can control the weather. So I’m trying my best to not let it get to me.
Obviously, sometimes that’s easier said than done, but being with Sebastian makes it bearable—worth it even.
When I let the outside noise seep in, I find myself uncertain of more than just our relationship. But all it takes is one smile from his lips and all of that just melts away. It’s scary how hard I’ve fallen for him—and how fast.
I wasn’t sure what would come along with being Sebastian’s girlfriend, but so far, I’ve been more than just a little surprised by him. I know he’s used to having sex, though we have yet to really discuss the details of his past, so I somewhat expected sex to be something he pursued harder. So far it’s been quite the opposite.
I’m the one unable to control myself, and he’s the voice of reason. On two different occasions now we’ve been alone, and both times he’s limited it to just kissing despite my effort to push for more. I don’t know what it is. It’s like when he touches me my mind goes all wonky and everything else just flies out the window.
Last night, while we were home alone in my bedroom, I was sure he was going to take things a step further, but as soon as the make-out session got too heated he made some excuse about a family dinner and high tailed it out of my house. I called him afterward only to have my suspicions confirmed—there was no family dinner.
“I don’t want to rush this, Tess. Sex is sex, and I’ve done it all before. I’m not looking for just another hookup,” he had said. “But I’m also a guy, and I only have so much restraint. Do I want to have sex with you?” He had laughed. “It’s all I think about—when I’m in the shower, when I’m lying in bed at night, when I was hovering over you in your bedroom and you were looking up at me with those big blue eyes. Fuck, Tess. You have no idea how much I want you. That’s why I had to leave. I don’t trust myself not to think with the wrong head.” Even remembering his words causes my skin to prickle.
What he said next affected an entirely different organ. “But you mean more to me than just sex, and I want to make sure you’re one hundred percent ready before we even think about crossing that line.”
I swear he steals a little bit more of my heart with every second that passes. I can’t help but wonder how long until he’s consumed the entire thing completely. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I’m terrified. But I’m also really, really happy.
Sebastian makes me feel things I’ve only ever read about in books and seen in movies. I didn’t know it was possible to feel so strongly about another person, especially one that I’ve only really known for about two weeks.
“Tess.” I hear Courtney’s voice seconds before my bedroom door pushes open and she appears in the doorway.
“Hey.” I look up from where I’m sitting on the edge of the bed slipping my shoes on. “I thought you were gonna call me when you were on your way.”
Courtney’s gone all out for tonight’s football game, wearing a white fitted t-shirt withBlue Devilsprinted across the front in blue lettering, her dark hair is piled on top of her head with white and blue ribbon sticking out everywhere.
“I forgot.” She shrugs. “What’s your mom doing home anyway?” she asks, knowing that my mom is usually at the hospital this late in the evening and was clearly the one who answered the door.
“They’re rotating her days off each week now. Apparently, it’s a new thing they just started. She’ll still be off on Monday, but the other days will be different each week.”
“I can’t remember the last time she was home on a Friday night,” Court observes.
“Probably because it’s never happened.” I snort, double knotting my shoe strings before standing. “So, how do I look?” I question, holding my arms out so Courtney can get a good look at me.
“Like a girl who’s never been to a high school football game before.” She laughs, shaking her head at me.
“Why, what’s wrong with it?” I look down at my red top and jeans.
“Well, for one the team we’re playing’s colors are red and black.” She chuckles. “Do you not have a Rockfield shirt?”
“You already know I don’t,” I state dryly, knowing Court probably knows what’s in my closet better than I do.
“Well, you can’t wear that.” She shakes her head, crossing the room toward my closet. She rummages inside for less than twenty seconds before emerging with a blue tank top, throwing the shirt at me. “Here. This is better than nothing. But I gotta say, Tess, if you’re gonna date a football player you might want to invest in some school apparel.”
“I’ll get right on that,” I answer in a way that says I probably won’t.
I quickly change out of my red top into the blue tank, holding my hands out again once I’m finished. “There. Better?”
“Much.” She nods in approval. “I’ve got some spare ribbon in the car. I can do your hair when we get there.”
“I don’t think that’s necessary.” I shake my head, looking from her hair to her face and then back again.
“You look at me like I’m crazy now, just wait until you see what some of the other students do,” she warns.
“Hey, girls.” My mom appears in my doorway before Courtney can say more.
“Hey, Mom.” I smile, grabbing the thin sweater laying over the back of my desk chair and draping it across my arm. Late August in Connecticut is warm, but some nights tend to get a little chilly.
