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“Well, you always managed.” I smile over my cup, taking another long pull of my drink.
“So, have you talked to him?” His question causes the thick liquid to catch in my throat, and I end up sucking it down the wrong pipe nearly spitting the sweet, chocolaty goodness all over the table.
“You okay there?” He eyes me curiously, not sure if he should get up and help or just let it run its course.
I hold a hand up as I sputter and cough. It takes me a full minute to clear my throat enough to speak again.
“Wow. Sorry about that. Wrong hole.” I clear my throat again, trying to shake it off.
“I take it from your reaction that you haven’t… Spoken to Sebastian, I mean.”
“I haven’t.” The hollow feeling in my chest expands, and I feel like at any moment it’s just going to swallow me whole.
Every time I talk about Sebastian I walk away feeling like I’ve lost him all over again. It’s why I avoid speaking about him at all costs. But now that Ant’s here—right in front of me, bringing it up—I can’t help but want to know everything.
How was the season, is it over yet?
Did he get a lot of play time as a freshman?
Is he happy?
Does he ever talk about me?
Is he dating anyone?
The last question that filters through my mind makes my stomach twist, and heat floods my face and spreads down my neck. Just the thought damn near sends me into a full-on panic attack. My heart is drumming violently against my ribcage by the time Anthony speaks again.
“I guess I’m not surprised. I just thought… I don’t know.” He shakes his head like he’s decided against saying whatever he was going to say.
“You just thought what?” I can’t stop the question from coming out. Now that he’s started it, I need to know what he was going to say.
“You and Sebastian were something special, Tess. It’s been a while since we’ve spoken, and I guess I kind of thought he’d have wised up by now and realized that leaving you behind was a mistake.” He gives me an apologetic smile.
“Yeah, well…” I knot my hands in my lap, feeling the heaviness and sadness of his words settle on my shoulders like a thousand-pound weight.
“For what it’s worth, I think he made a huge mistake.” I look up to find his gaze locked on me.
“You do?”
“You were the best thing that ever happened to Sebastian. I just hope he pulls his head out of his ass long enough to realize he’s shit without you before someone else snatches you up.”
“Thank you, Anthony. That means a lot coming from you. But I think it’s safe to say that ship has sailed. He’s been gone for six months, and I haven’t gotten so much as a text message.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure,” he says unconvinced.
“Well I am,” I say, tears burning the back of my eyes just saying the words out loud.
Truth is, I knew we were over way before he left; him leaving only solidified this fact. He didn’t even so much as say goodbye to me the day he left. He disappeared from my life without a trace, and if it weren’t for the memories that haunt me daily, I’d almost think he never existed to begin with.
“I know we may not have always been the closest,” Ant says, pulling my focus back to him. “But that doesn’t mean that I wasn’t rooting for you, Tess. You made my best friend tolerable for the first time…” He thinks about it for a moment. “Well, ever.” He laughs.
“Well, for what it’s worth, I was rooting for you and Courtney, too.”
“Yeah, well.” He shrugs. “You see where rooting for each other got us.” A half smile plays on his lips before he quickly adds, “I guess I should probably get going. I just stopped in to grab a cup, and when I saw you over here I knew I had to come say hi.”
“Well, I’m glad you did.” I smile up at him as he stands.
“You take care of yourself, Tess.”
“You too, Ant.”
He nods, throwing me a half wave before spinning around and walking away. My eyes stay locked on him until he steps out onto the sidewalk and disappears around the corner, leaving me feeling even emptier than I did before his arrival.
