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“Okay, boring.” She fake yawns. “I never saw Ant as the type to work with computers. He’s so social and always used to feed off of attention. I can’t imagine him sitting behind a desk all day working with software, whatever the hell that entails.”
“I think it was kind of like my decision to go into finance,” Tess speaks up. “Smart career choice, lots of growth, good money; it makes sense.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Court lets out a slow sigh. “I just have a really hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he’s a man now, ya know? I mean, he was a man before…” She smiles and winks, causing a thick knot to form at the base of my throat. “But now he’s really a man. He’s even got an adult job and everything.”
“What did you expect, for him to still be the same guy he was over five years ago? People change.” I take a drink of wine to keep myself from saying more.
“I know. It’s just hard to think about the person he was compared to who he is now. I hate that there’s so much I don’t know anymore. He was such a big part of my life in high school, and now he’s basically a stranger.”
“I kind of felt the same way about Sebastian when we first reconnected. I had to pretty much get to know him all over again. Lucky for me, he’s still the same incredible person he was back then.” Tess smiles like a love-sick school girl.
“I’ll take shoot me now for five hundred, Bob.” Court laughs when Tess throws her an evil glare. “I’m just kidding. You know how happy I am for you and Sebastian. I still can’t believe after everything you guys are getting married.”
“It’s crazy, I know,” Tess agrees, looking down at the ring on her finger.
“Okay, back to Ant,” Court redirects the conversation. “I’m not done yet.” She smiles.
“What else do you want to know?” I ask, wishing like hell she wasn’t so interested in the man I just so happen to be falling hard and fast for.
“Tell me about this girl he’s talking to.”
“I already told you earlier. It’s just some friend of his.” I think I do a pretty good job of playing it off, but the guilt that slams into me in doing so nearly shatters my resolve. It also doesn’t help that Tess is once again staring daggers at me either.
“So say if I were to ask him out for drinks, it would be totally acceptable because they aren’t together, right?”
“I guess so.” It takes everything in me to push the words out, the knot in my throat feeling like it’s quadrupled into the size of a softball.
“Are you going to ask him out for drinks?” Tess asks, her gaze bouncing between me and Courtney.
“I think so. I mean, what’s it going to hurt, right? He’s single. I’m single. We’re both here at the same time. Not to mention, he's smoking fucking hot.”
At that I stand, not sure how much longer I can keep this charade going.
“I’m going to get another bottle.” I excuse myself to the kitchen, just needing a moment to compose myself and figure out what the hell I’m gonna do now.
I promised myself if Court was still interested in Ant that I would bow out. He was hers first, and I’m not the person who chooses a man over my best friend. Then again, Ant isn’t just any man.
I pop the cork on a new bottle of wine and fill my glass to the brim, sucking it down in one long gulp before refilling it to the top again.
Uneasiness and guilt grips my chest like a vice. I knew better than to let things between Ant and me progress. I saw it happening weeks ago, could feel the shift between us, but I was powerless to stop it. When I’m with him it’s like I’m under some spell. Only when I step away can I see the toll that it’s taking on me, and ultimately the ramifications it will have on my friendship with Court and Tess, who is being forced to lie on my behalf right now.
“Fuck-fuck-fuck,” I mutter under my breath, gripping the counter as I tilt my head down and take a few deep breaths.
I hear Court and Tess laughing in the living room and for the first time since all this began, a sense of resentment toward Ant takes hold. I should be in there, laughing and enjoying my time with my best friends, my family, not in here hiding out because I’m keeping a secret that could potentially end it all.
I blame him. I can’t help it. If he hadn’t come back into my life with his perfect smile and his perfect body and his perfect laugh, then I wouldn’t be in this position to begin with.
True—he’s added more to my life than he’s taken away, but I’m not sure anything he could give me would be worth hurting Courtney over.
And then there’s the part of me that doesn’t care. The part of me that wants him no matter the cost. The part of me that will go head to head with my best friend if it means Ant will be with me in the end. I know how horrible of a person that makes me, but my heart is so conflicted I’m not entirely sure I know which way is up or down.
Taking another long drink of wine, I promise myself to let this go. No matter how badly I want Anthony, deep down I know it’s not worth the risk. I will support Court and whatever she decides to do where he’s concerned, and I will be happy for her if she gets what she wants. I will not compete, I will not sabotage, and I absolutely will not stand in the way.
She’s my best friend. And that means more to me than anything else. I just hope Ant will understand why we need to end things before they really begin. Sometimes you just have to do what’s right, no matter how wrong it feels. And not being with Ant feels wrong on more levels than I think I’m able to fully comprehend at the moment.
“Where the hell did you go, Bree?” I hear Court holler from the living room, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Just getting some more wine,” I call back.
Taking one more deep breath, I plaster on the best smile I can muster and exit the kitchen; hoping like hell I’m strong enough to do what I know has to be done.
