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“By telling you I’m sorry.” I let out a slow breath. “This is on me, all of it.”
“It’s not just on you. She’s not innocent. I don’t know why you’re trying so damn hard to protect her. She’s the one who did me wrong. She was my best friend.”
“Is,” I correct her.
“What?” she questions, confused.
“You said shewasyour best friend. Sheis.”
“I don’t think that’s your place to say.” Her nostrils flare in anger.
“I know you, Court. I know how much you love Bree and how much she loves you. You two will get past this, you have to.”
“I don’t have to do anything.” Her voice shakes. “She made her choice. She chose to fuck my ex-boyfriend behind my back and lie to me about it. That is entirely on her.”
“Look, I get that what we did was wrong, but really take a step back and look at the situation, Court. It’s been five years since we dated. Five years and we weren’t even that serious.”
“It was serious for me,” she says weakly, unable to meet my gaze.
“I care about you, Courtney. I’ve always cared about you. But you’re lying to yourself if you believe we were ever going anywhere. It was fun while it lasted, but that’s all it was. Maybe a part of you loved me once, but I don’t believe that part of you still exists.”
“How do you know how I feel?”
“It’s been five years. You’ve never once tried to reach out. Never once made an attempt to reconnect with me. And I’m supposed to believe that having dinner with me once after five years has somehow changed all that. I don’t think so.”
“It doesn’t matter what you think. What Bree did is still wrong. She should’ve never kept this from me.” She swipes at a tear that falls down her cheek.
“I agree. And she knows that too. We both should’ve been upfront with you; would’ve saved all of us a lot of pain and upset. But we can’t go back and change it now. All we can do is learn from it and move on. I want happiness for you. I want you to find someone one day who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. But I’m not that guy, Courtney. I never have been.”
“Because of her,” she halfheartedly accuses. “When did you know? That you had feelings for her? When did you know?” she repeats when I don’t answer right away.
“About halfway through senior year,” I admit.
“That long? You stayed with me that long knowing you had feelings for my best friend?” The anger in her voice returns.
“It wasn’t something that just happened out of the blue. I took notice of her then, started seeing her in a different light. It was months later before I realized how my feelings had morphed. Once I did, even knowing I couldn’t be with her, I broke things off with you. Because at the end of the day I knew it was the right thing to do.”
“Did she know?”
“No.” I shake my head. “She never had a clue.”
“I feel so foolish.” She looks down at her feet. “Here I was carrying on about the future all the while you were pining after my best friend.”
“You shouldn’t feel foolish. My feelings for her didn’t take away my feelings for you. I cared about you a lot, I still do. But…”
“But you love her.”
“So fucking much it hurts,” I admit, running a hand through my hair.
“So what is it you want from me, Ant? Why are you really here?”
“Bree broke things off with me the day after you left. Said she couldn’t be with me knowing how deeply our relationship had hurt you.”
“So you thought you could fly all the way out here and convince me to what—call her and beg her to take you back?”
“Of course not. But I was hoping that if you would give me a chance to explain. That if you could see how much I love her and her son, that maybe you could come to terms with us being together.”
“You’re asking for my blessing?”
