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“Who says I’m not freaking out?” My voice going up an octave.
“Well if you are freaking out you sound eerily calm doing it.”
“I think I’m still in shock,” I admit.
Hell, when I woke up this morning I swore yesterday had been a dream. I was convinced of it. That is until I looked at my phone and saw a message from Hudson sent just after nine this morning. Seconds later I was on the phone with Emma, feeling like I might vomit at any moment.
I don’t know why I’m so worked up. It’s not like me to get this twisted up over a guy. But this isn’t just any guy. This is the guy that after one night with I was prepared to declare my love to. This is the guy that no man, including Gage, has been able to live up to since.
I have no idea how a one night stand five years ago could still hold so much weight over me. Maybe it’s because that night with Hudson was magical. Or maybe I’ve convinced myself that Hudson is something he’s not. Even after coming to Nashville and seeing him with another girl I still only thought fondly of him.
Sure, I was hurt. But I think it was more that I was disappointed. I had hoped to be more than what I’d agreed to. In the end, it was a pretty bitter pill to swallow.
“Did you hear me, Lennon?” Emma’s annoyed tone pulls me from my thoughts and I blink slowly, wondering where the hell I just went.
“Sorry.” I shake my head trying to shake off the fog. “What did you say?”
“I asked what your game plan is,” she says, clearly for the second time.
“Game plan?” I repeat, not entirely sure I get what she’s asking.
“Yeah. Your game plan. Clearly he still has the same affect over you as he did five years ago. So what’s your play?”
“I don’t know what you’re asking me,” my voice full of confusion.
“Oh my god, Len, sometimes.” She huffs loudly and I can imagine she is shaking her head. “I’m saying that clearly you’re still into him. And considering that he sent Colton after you last night, then insisted you have lunch with him today, I’d say he’s still into you. So, what’s the play? Are you going to go in there hot and tell him straight up that you came to Nashville for him because you wanted more? And that you still want more? Or are you going to try to play it cool, deny anything of the sort, and end up failing miserably anyway.”
“Well, one, thanks for the confidence. Two, I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. We hooked up, had a great night, ran into each other again after a few years and decided to have lunch to catch up. I don’t want to make it more than it is.”
“More like you don’t want to get your hopes up again.” Her voice softens as she reads my message loud and clear.
“Exactly,” I confirm on a slow sigh. “That man crushed me after one night. I can’t go back there again. I’m not ashamed to admit he has a power over me that no one has ever had. I can’t explain it or even begin to understand it, but it’s there. And that was just when he was a regular guy. Now he’s an up and coming musician with his debut album blowing up the charts. It’s only a matter of time before he’s as big as Travis Travers. Then where will that leave me? Even if things progress beyond today, there’s no way this could ever work. And the likelihood that he has interest in that is probably minimal.”
“I think you’re wrong,” Emma quietly interjects.
“I don’t think I am,” Glancing at the clock to see it’s already almost ten and I still need to shower and get ready. “I think what I'm going to be is late if I don’t get off here,” I quickly add.
“Okay. Okay. I’ll let you go. But promise you’ll call as soon as it’s over.”
“I promise.”
“Have fun on your date.”
“It’s not a date. We’re just having lunch,” I argue.
“Call it whatever you want. I still think you’ll end up flat on your back at the end of it.” She giggles, not waiting for me to reply before ending the call without warning.
“Why am I friends with her again?” I mutter to the phone in my hand before grumpily tossing it onto the bed.
Luckily for me, Starr and the other girls headed out a while ago to get breakfast so none of them were here to overhear my conversation with Emma. The last thing I want to do is make this a big deal. The bigger of a deal it is, the more disappointed I will be in the end.
With that thought, I stand, grabbing the bag with my toiletries in it before quickly ducking into the bathroom. If nothing else maybe a hot shower will help melt away some of the tension bundling tightly in my shoulders.
