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“Lennon, you knew this was coming.” He slides his hand along my bare knee in a soothing gesture. Only it doesn’t soothe me at all. In fact, it only serves to piss me off more.
“I did but I didn’t know you would be on the road for eight months with another woman.” I hate how childish and jealous I sound, but I can’t help it.
Fear chooses to present itself in many forms. Unwarranted jealousy being one of them.
“Lennon.” Hudson starts but stops when he meets my gaze.
“I thought you were going to start working on your new album?” I object, not really sure what I hope to accomplish by doing so. It’s not like he can just choose to cancel the tour because I’m having a hard time dealing with who he’ll be touring with.
“I’ll write on the bus and be back in the studio as soon as the tour wraps.”
“Will it always be like this?” I question, uncertainty coiling deep in my belly. Tears prick the back of my eyes. I quickly look down at my hands knotted in my lap, hoping to keep them at bay.
I’ve never been so emotional over a man before. It’s completely irrational and yet I can’t help but feel what I feel.
“This is what it means to be in the music business,” he gently explains, leaning forward to push my hair over my shoulder in an attempt to get me to look at him. “We started in a very weird place, Lennon. The first few years of a musician’s career are always the craziest. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make this work. We can. We just have to get more creative.”
“More creative?” I snort. “Meaning I give up my life to chase you around the country until one day you realize you don’t want me there anymore. And then what? I come back to nothing because I gave up everything for you?”
“I would never ask you to give up anything for me,” he insists, tipping my chin so I’m forced to meet his gaze.
“Well someone has to if this is going to work, Hudson,” I bite.
“That’s not true. We’ve been making it work for weeks now.”
“Have we?” I cock my head to the side. “Because all I feel like we’ve managed to make work is making each other miserable.”
“I make you miserable?” He draws back like I physically slapped him across the face.
“No, of course not. That didn’t come out right. But when I’m not with you I am miserable. And since we spend way more time apart than together...” I trail off.
“I know this isn’t easy for you. I know how I would feel if the roles were reversed. But I love you, Lennon. I’m so in love with you that some days it’s almost hard to breathe. I will not give up on us so easily. Wewillmake this work because living without you is not something I’m willing to do.”
I let his statement sink in. Let it wash over me and drown out some of the fears and insecurities that have fueled this conversation. He’s right. I knew this was going to be difficult and yet I decided being with him was worth it.
Being with himisworth it.
“Why does it have to be with her?” I crinkle my nose and pout out my bottom lip dramatically, causing a low rumble of laughter in Hudson’s throat.
“Annabelle doesn’t hold a candle to you.” He snags my chin between his thumb and index finger as he leans in a lays a soft kiss to my mouth.
“You say that but you forget, I’ve seen her. She’s beautiful and talented and you wouldn’t have to worry about her not understanding or throwing a silly fit because you have a job to do.”
“I rather like watching you throw silly fits.” He smirks. “It means you care. I’d rather you throw a million fits than accept that we’ll be apart and be okay with it. Because I’m not okay with it. I know this is my career and I’m the one doing this, but I promise you, I don’t want to be away from you any more than you want me to be.”
“I’m scared,” I admit.
“I am too.” He gives me a soft smile. “But I have to believe that we can figure this out. I lost you once, Lennon Claire. I’ll be damned if I’m gonna lose you again.”
“You’re not going to lose me,” I reassure him. “Well, as long as I don’t walk in and find some girl in your lap, swallowing your face.” I poke fun at him.
“You know you’re the only girl I want swallowing my face,” he teases, leaning forward to wrap his hand around the back of my neck.
“My famous country star.” I smile, scratching my nails through his scruff.
“My inspiration.” He closes the distance between us, kissing me softly before dropping his forehead to mine. “I wanna play you something.” He releases me and quickly slides from the bed.
“Okay.” He grabs his guitar from the corner of the room where he dropped it before ravishing me.
