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“That’s just it though, some days I wonder if we are making it work or if we’re just fooling ourselves into believing we are.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know.” I sigh. “When I’m with him everything feels right. When I’m not, I wonder how much longer we can realistically go on like this.”
“Celebrities have relationships like the rest of us. It has to be possible and if anyone can figure it out it’s you and Hudson.”
“I wish I shared your confidence.”
“That man loves you, Lennon. Look around. He bought you this freaking house for crying out loud. If that doesn’t say he’s serious about you and your relationship then I don’t know what does.”
“I guess.”
“Youguess?” She looks at me like I’ve grown five heads. “Who are you and what have you done with my spit fire, sure of everything and never lets anything stand in her way, best friend?”
“I don’t know,” I tell her honestly. “I know it sounds weird but I feel like my life is on hold and it’s starting to weigh on me. More than anything, I want to be with Hudson, but I feel like as the weeks go by I recognize less and less about myself. I can’t go five minutes without thinking about him. Everything I do is to get me to the point when I can see him again. I’m just wondering what kind of life I’m really living.”
“Hey.” Emma leans forward and pats my leg. “I know this isn’t easy but I also know that what you have with Hudson doesn’t come along every day. Whether you realize it now or not, you’ll figure it out.”
“I hope so.” I force a smile even though this conversation has only further dampened the bad mood I woke up in.
“I know so.”
“Okay, enough with the heavy. How’s everything in baby land? Still determined not to find out the sex?”
“Yep. Robert wants to know so bad but I refuse. I want to be surprised.”
“I’m with Robert on this one.” I laugh when she glares at me. “I’m not even the baby’s parent and I’m dying to know if I’m going to have a cute little niece or a handsome little nephew.”
“Well you only have to wait a few short months and you’ll find out.”
“So mean.” I laugh, thankful to be focusing on something else for a change.
I spend enough time obsessing over mine and Hudson’s relationship. In the beginning, while a little scared, I felt confident and excited to see where this road would take us. Now, I find myself tied up in knots more often than not, wondering about what he’s doing and who he’s with.
Every time I crawl into our bed and pull the blankets over myself all I can think about is Annabelle. I’m a woman possessed by jealousy and uncertainty, and that isn’t me. Or at least it didn’t used to be.
I shake off the thought and refocus on Emma.
We spend the next hour talking all things baby. By the time she leaves just after three in the afternoon, I feel slightly better. Emma has a way of grounding me and making me feel like myself in a way no one else can.
I guess that’s the perk of being friends with someone for so long. Most times they know you better than you know yourself.
I’ve no more than closed the door behind her when my phone springs to life on the island. Quickly crossing the kitchen, I snatch it up, smiling when I see Hudson’s smiling face staring back at me.
“Hello.”
“Hey babe.” I hear the smile in his voice and it instantly warms my insides.
Maybe Emma’s right. Maybe we can find a way to make this work. He’s only got a little over two months left of his tour, and even though I know another is coming, I also know that he will be hitting the studio in the coming months which means we will get to have some semblance of normalcy for at least a little while.
So with that I do my best to push past all the doubts and worry swirling in my gut and focus on what really matters. Hudson and how crazy about him I am.
Some people say love isn’t enough. I’m determined to prove them wrong.
