AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Imagine my surprise when hours after receiving the most shocking news of my life, in walk my best friend and my brother–together.
I knew they had been talking for a while. I didn’t know the relationship had progressed to them travelling across the country together.
“I just hate leaving you by yourself right now,” she whines.
“Whit, I’m fine,” I reassure her. “Really. This is something I have to figure out on my own.”
“Are you going to tell him?” Chris pulls my gaze to the side and I meet his hesitant expression.
“No,” I answer truthfully. “At least not yet. And neither will you. No one outside of this room can know anything. Agreed.”
“Agreed.” Whit nods.
“I still think you should tell Mom and Dad,” Chris objects.
“I want to have a game plan first. I’m not that far along so I’ve got time.”
“Are you really considering giving it up for adoption?” Whit interrupts.
“It’s an option. And a good one at that. It’s on the table, that’s all I know right now.”
“You’ll call if you need anything?” Chris stands, dropping a quick kiss to the top of my head.
“I will.” I smile up at him when he pulls back.
“And I’m coming back out next month to stay for a couple weeks,” Whit informs me. “If it weren’t for this commercial I’m filming I wouldn’t leave at all.”
“Stop it.” I shake my head at my friend. “You have a life in California. You can’t drop everything just because I made a pretty epic mistake. I’ll be fine. I promise.”
It takes me another ten minutes to finally get the two out the door, reminding them several times that they’re going to miss their flight if they don’t go soon.
While I love them for coming, right now I need some space to think. I’m grateful that Glenn knew to call Whit and not my parents; otherwise I’d be facing a hell of a lot more right now.
Chris, needing to explain his sudden disappearance, told them that I had to be taken to the hospital but played it off as nothing more than my blood sugar dropping due to lack of food.
This of course prompted my mother to question why she was not the first person contacted and to lecture me over the phone for an hour on the importance of eating regularly. Of course all of that was a cake walk compared to what she would have said had she known the real reason I fainted.
After locking the front door, I head back into the living room, plopping down on the large gray wrap around couch. Closing my eyes, my hands instinctively go to my belly.
I imagine what he or she will look like. If she’ll have my light hair or he’ll have Thad’s unique eyes or his incredible laugh. I imagine him picking up our child and spinning them around. I imagine the three of us walking hand in hand through a park. Us teaching our child how to ride a horse.
I map out our entire lives in my mind. A perfect life where everything magically falls into place and everyone gets what they want. Unfortunately that’s not how life works at all.
If I keep this child he or she will likely grow up without a father. If I give my baby up for adoption, he or she will grow up thinking I didn’t love them enough to keep them. Either way I feel like I lose. And while every part of me knows the right thing to do for this child, I can’t wrap my head around letting a stranger raise my own flesh and blood. Thad’s flesh and blood.
Because no matter how much he’s hurt me. No matter how carelessly he ripped through my life, a part of me is in love with the thought of having his baby. As ridiculous as that sounds.
I run my hand up my shirt and over my stomach, noticing for the first time the small bump that protrudes beneath. The doctor was right. Had I known I was pregnant I would have noticed my body changing. Because now that I know, even though it’s only been a couple of days, I’ve noticed so many things I should have seen. Things I should have added up and put together. I guess I didn’t imagine it as a possibility to even give it a second thought.
“What are we going to do, baby?” I talk out loud, my palm flattening against where my tiny nugget is growing inside of me. “What are we going to do?” I ask again, knowing that from this moment on, nothing will ever be the same.
