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“When she called me, I, I...” Abel looks down at our joined hands, his voice shaky.
“Hey.” I wait until his gaze comes back to mine before continuing, “I’m okay,” I reassure him.
“I was so scared,” he admits, showing vulnerability in a way I’m not sure I’ve seen from him before.
Throughout this entire ordeal it’s always beenwhenI beat this, neverif. It’s strange to see him suddenly so unsure. Then again I can’t imagine how scared I’d be if the roles were reversed. I try to keep this in mind.
“It’s okay,” I reassure him again. “Look at me. I’m right here and in one piece. I’m telling you it was nothing.”
“I hope you’re right.” He blows out a breath.
“I know I am.” I smile, watching him relax slightly.
I spend the next two hours with Claire and Abel fussing over me. As much as I love that they care so much, deep down I wish they’d let me be.
I may not have admitted it out loud to either of them, but what happened this afternoon scared me pretty bad. To the point that by the time the doctor finally shows up my stomach feels like it weighs a hundred pounds from all the knots inside of it.
I wait for him to tell me that it was nothing. Something caused by my medication or maybe a side effect from surgery, but the longer he talks the more I begin to realize that what I’m waiting for him to say isn’t going to come.
I stop listening at some point after he says the cancer has spread. My vision blurs and the only sound I can focus on is my heart beat thrumming in my ears. I feel like I’m in the middle of a nightmare and am silently screaming for myself to wake up.Just wake up!I tell myself over and over again as if I can will it so.
Only it’s not a nightmare, at least not the kind I can wake up from.
“So, what now?” I zone back in right in time to hear my sister ask.
“I’ll need to run some more tests before we know the true extent. In the meantime, I’m going to admit her and we will go from there,” he says, his hand settling on my shin moments later. “I know this isn’t the news we were hoping for, but it’s not uncommon with cases like yours. It’s just another bump in the road.” He pats my leg before removing his hand completely.
I’m in complete and utter shock. Abel’s next to me, stiff and silent like he’s trying to process this just as I am. We thought we were in the clear. After weeks we’ve finally reached a point where we’re actually able to start living and now here we are, having the rug ripped out from underneath us.
I’m full of so many different emotions. Anger. Sadness. Fear. And yet not a single one really registers. It’s like I’m numb from the inside out, and even though I know I should react, I can’t seem to figure out how to.
“It’s going to be okay, Fin,” Claire says, her hand sliding over mine. I blink, realizing that the doctor is gone and yet having no recollection of him actually leaving.
“The cancer spread?” My voice finally breaks the surface as my gaze finds Abel.
