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But right as I allow the thought to settle, doubt finds its way back in.But what if thisisthe end?What if this really is the last time I ever lay eyes on Abel Collins?
I blink away the new batch of tears welling behind my eyes and take a deep breath. Letting it out slowly, I take one last long look at the first, and quite possibly the only, man I will ever love. And then I turn and walk away.
I dress in the hallway before making my way out into the living space. I let my eyes travel around the apartment, trying to remember everything down to the smallest detail. Not that I could forget a single thing about this night even if I tried.
Sliding on my boots, I grab my coat off the back of the couch before heading toward the door. I pause with my hand on the knob, my knees trembling beneath my weight.
I can’t do this.
It’s the only thought I have. I can’t walk out of his life like I was never here. I can’t leave without any explanation. I can’t let him believe that last night was anything short of magical.
Dropping my hand from the knob, I turn, heading into the kitchen. I rummage through a few drawers before finally locating a pad of paper and a pen. Dropping the tablet of paper onto the counter, I turn to the first blank page and scribble his name across the top.
I stare at the one word for what feels like hours, my eyes tracing over his name as I try to figure out what to say. The truth isn’t an option. I don’t want him to think of me as the sick girl he spent one night with before she died. If tomorrow turns out to be my last day, I want him to remember me like this; healthy, happy, full of life. I want him to remember who I was last night, not who I am this morning.
Taking a deep breath in, I press the pen back to the paper. My hand slides across the page as I say everything I need to say in the span of one simple sentence.
Thank you for the best night of my life.
XO
Finley
I read over the single line, wishing I could say more, wishing that I was better with words, wishing I could find a way to explain to him exactly what last night did for me. Knowing I can’t, I slide the tablet of paper to the end of the counter so I know he’ll see it as soon as he walks into the kitchen.
With one backward glance, I say goodbye to the future I’ll never have. I say goodbye to Abel and all the things we could have been if I wasn’t sick. And I say goodbye to a piece of myself. The part I’m leaving behind just for him.
