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Chapter Fifteen
Finley
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I’m hidden in the shadows, my back pressed against the wall as I watch Abel on stage. He’s electric, pure undeniable magic, and try as I may I can’t tear my eyes away from him.
I’ve been here less than ten minutes and already it’s killing me not to go to him. Not to tell him that I’m here. But I promised myself I wouldn’t. But I had to see him one last time.
He didn’t see me come in and I’ve made sure to stay as far out of sight as possible, which is easier than I thought it would be considering the layout of the bar as well as the dim lighting.
Claire doesn’t know I’m here. I didn’t want to wake her to tell her I was leaving. I doubt she’d approve of me taking off at one in the morning when I have to be at the hospital in less than six hours.
Even though I told myself I wouldn’t, I knew there was no way I couldn’t come tonight. I tried not to. I said goodnight to my sister, showered, and got in bed, trying to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow’s procedure. But as exhausted as I was, I couldn’t sleep. I napped for a few hours this afternoon, but it wasn’t enough to take away the tired, burning feeling behind my eyes.
And yet still, I laid there for hours, tossing and turning, trying to talk myself out of coming. But knowing where he was, knowing that with a quick drive across town I could be looking at his handsome face again, made it impossible to resist. So instead of trying to force myself to sleep, I snagged Claire’s car keys from her purse and headed to the one place I knew I needed to be.
Abel starts a new song, one that I recognize immediately. It’s a song off of the new Imagine Dragons album and one of my absolute favorites. I close my eyes and focus on his voice, letting it take me away and hold me in place at the same time.
Abel is even more talented than I realized. It seems effortless to him. The way his fingers move across the guitar. The way he croons out the words to the song. His voice is so incredible I swear I can feel the vibration of it pouring from the speakers and radiating through my entire body.
I’m transfixed, drawn to the way his lips curve, to the way his eyes sweep the crowd,andto the way they keep finding their way to the door like he’s waiting for something, or someone.
Could he be waiting for me?
Abel doesn’t strike me as a man who waits for anyone, let alone some girl he just met.
His gaze darts in my direction and I slink further into the shadows, not wanting to risk being seen. Luckily the lighting that shines toward the stage seems to obstruct his view and he doesn’t see me.
Abel plays twelve songs from the moment I walked into the bar until the moment I leave. I count each one in my head, like a countdown to the moment when I know I will have to turn around and walk out that door, not knowing if I’ll ever see him again.
Leaving is probably one of the hardest things I’ve done, which makes little sense considering I met him yesterday. I’ve dealt with some pretty tough situations in my past, too, but somehow none of it compares to this. There was nothing that made me feel like my heart was being physically ripped from my chest like it does at this very moment.
As I left Abel’s apartment this morning, for the first time since my diagnosis, I allowed myself to believe that there was a chance. A chance that I would live. A chance that I would heal and one day get the life back I was so sure I’d lost. Talking with Claire only further solidified my will to fight, to not roll over and say ‘okay, this is it.’ Because for the first time in a very long time, maybeever, I feel like I have things to fight for.
My sister. My future. The life that I deserve. Abel...
It’s crazy how in the span of only a few short hours he was able to completely shift my outlook from one that was so bleak I couldn’t bear to look forward, to one that shines bright with the possibility of hope.
I know the odds are stacked against me. I know that even if I survive the surgery I still have a long fight ahead of me. I know that. But I also know that if anyone can do it, I can.
I have been through hell and back over again, and even though life has thrown every rock it could at me, I’ve never given up. Even when I couldn’t find the strength to go on, I still managed to power through. I didn’t overcome all of the obstacles I’ve faced to give up now.
I turn and look at Abel for one more long moment, my eyes tracing his face from a distance. And then I do what I came here to do. I whisper a silent thank you and turn and walk away.
I may never see Abel again and he may never know how much he changed my life, but I hope somehow he still knows that he did. Because even if this is it–even if there’s nothing left–he gave me a reason to fight. And for that I’ll forever be grateful.
