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Chapter Twenty-nine
Abel
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Ipeel myself off thecouch, the pounding on my door becoming increasingly louder as I cross the living room.
“Abel. Open up. It’s me,” Claire’s voice calls through the thick wood.
I unlatch the dead bolt and pull the door open, barely looking at her before I turn and head back into the living room.
“What the hell?” She shuts the door and follows after me. “I’ve been calling you for two days.” She waits until I reclaim my seat on the couch before continuing, “You can’t do that to me. You can’t just disappear.”
“I’m right here, aren’t I?” I hold my arms out.
“You know I worry about you.”
“You don’t need to worry about me, Claire. I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself.” I wipe a hand over my face.
“Yeah, I can see that.” She gestures to the empty beer bottles lining the coffee table. “What’s going on?” Her gaze comes to mine and her expression instantly softens. “Did something happen with Peyton?”
“Well, if you qualify her getting hit by a car a couple of days ago as something happening, then yes, I guess you could say something happened.”
“Peyton was hit by a car?” She gasps. “Is she okay?”
“She got a little banged up. Messed her arm up pretty good, but yeah, she’s okay.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t call me. I want to know exactly what happened, but there’s something I’ve got to ask you first.” She pauses. “Why are you here drinking yourself into a stupor and not there with her?”
“Truthfully, I don’t know.” I decide to be honest.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” she asks, sliding down on the couch next to me.
“When Henna called to tell me that Peyton was in an accident, I couldn’t get to her fast enough. Once I was at the hospital, there was no way I was leaving. But then the doctor came out and said she was out of surgery and would be fine and I swear all I heard was that she wasn’t. That she wasn’t okay. That she was gone. I knew that’s not what he was saying, but it felt like it was. Like this crushing weight just appeared on my shoulders and I could barely stand to wield it. I felt like I was back there all over again...”
“Abel.” Claire’s soft voice pulls my gaze to hers.
“I thought maybe I just needed a moment, but the weight only got heavier, and now I don’t know what to do. I want to be with her. I want to be with her so badly it hurts. But I can’t move under this weight.”
“You’re scared.”
“But why am I scared? She’s okay. She’s home, probably wondering why I’ve completely abandoned her. She’s okay, so why am I scared?”
“Because Finley was okay. And then she wasn’t.” She wraps her hand around the back of mine and squeezes. “You went numb after she was gone. You closed yourself off to meeting new people or forming any type of real relationship with anyone because you didn’t want anyone to get too close. Because if they got close, and you lost them...” She trails off. “Butshegot in. Someway, somehow, she managed to slip through the cracks in your armor that no one else could seem to penetrate. She got in, Abel, but that doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to lose her.”
“I don’t think I would survive it. I don’t think I’ll survive losing another person I love.”
“And yet you love so many in spite of that.” She gives me a soft smile. “Your friends. Your brothers. Your parents. Me. You can’t be afraid to love her too. You can’t base how you live your life on what could happen. You have to just live it. Count each day as a blessing and never take for granted a single moment you have with the people you love.”
“But what if I’m not ready to love her like that?”
“I hate to break it to you, Abel, but you already do.”
“What if I’m just not ready to let her go?” I admit, my voice cracking over the words. “Let Finley go. Peyton deserves more than a part of me.”
“Then give her more. Letting Finley go isn’t about forgetting her. It’s not about pretending she didn’t exist. It’s about living for her. She’s right here. Can’t you feel her? She’s a part of you and she’s a part of me. She lives through us. She lives throughyou. You owe it to her and to yourself, to do the most with the time you’ve been given. Time that Finley never got.”
“I feel like it all happened so fast that I haven’t had time to really process it all.”
