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Chapter Ten
Abel
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“So, Peyton seems nice.” Claire grins at me over the rim of her cocktail glass.
“She is,” I agree, not taking the bait she’s so clearly trying to reel me in with.
“And pretty,” she adds, setting her glass on the round bar top table we’re sitting at.
“She’s okay.” I shrug, knowing she’s a hell of a lot more thanjustokay, but I’m not about to admit that to Claire.
“Oh, come on. You don’t really expect me to believe that, do you?” She gives me a knowing look. “You forget, I was there tonight. I saw the way you looked at her. You’re clearly attracted to her.”
“So, she’s attractive.” Again, I shrug.
“Abel.” She sighs, shaking her head.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Because you like this girl. I’m just trying to figure out why you’re fighting it.”
“You know why.”
“Don’t do that. Don’t blame your inability to pursue this girl on Finley.”
“I’m not blaming anything on Finley.”
“Maybe not, but you’re using her as your excuse.”
“So what if I am?”
“What did she ask you?”
“Huh?” I question, not sure what she means.
“What did Finley ask you to do before she died?” She waits a long beat before she continues when I don’t respond. “She asked you to embrace it. When you found someone that made youfeelagain, to not push it away. She asked you to not close yourself off to loving again.”
“I’m not closing myself off.”
“Yes, you are. I’m not saying this girl isthegirl, but she could be. How will you know unless you’re willing to explore the obvious chemistry the two of you share?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I take a pull of my beer, completely content giving her vague responses all night rather than being honest with her, and myself.
“Yes, you do. I can feel it so I know you sure as hell can. Don’t make Finley the reason you don’t get to know her. Make her the reason you do. Because you know it’s what she wanted for you. To live, to love, to find happiness... again.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“I know that. And I know how hard this is for you. I know it’s easier for you to take a random girl to bed you feel nothing for than to share a real conversation with a girl you actually might like. But Abel, that’s part of moving on. You have to give yourself a chance. It may turn into nothing. You may find that she’s not what you’re looking for. But how will you know if you don’t try?”
“Is this going to be all you talk about tonight?” I give her an irritated stare.
“Until you give me a straight answer, yes.” She challenges me in the same way Finley would have.
“I see her, Claire. Everywhere, in everyone, I seeher. Did it ever occur to you that maybe the reason I’m trying to ignore my attraction to Peyton is because when I touch her, I feel Finley? When I hear her laugh, I hear Finley. When I close my eyes and open them the first thing I feel is disappointment that it’s not Finley staring back at me. How is that fair to anyone? I don’t know Peyton well, but something tells me she’s a woman who wants more than that.”
“Give it time. Right now, you associate Peyton with Finley because she’s the first girl that’s actually ignited a spark in you since Finley died. That doesn’t mean those feelings will always be there.”
