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While most women wouldn’t want to step into another woman’s shoes, Tina did so gracefully. She never got upset when my dad would talk about my mom. In fact, she encouraged it. She has somehow been able to accept that he will always love my mother. Just so long as he loves her too, then that’s enough for her.
So while Tina does drive me a little bonkers from time to time, she makes my dad happy and that’s all I could ever ask for.
My mind wanders to Abel.
I wonder if I could be like Tina. If I could step in and fill that void in his life and not feel like his second choice every step of the way. Honestly, I don’t know how she does it, but for my dad’s sake I’m glad she does. Without her I don’t know where he’d be in life.
We spend the next hour in easy conversation. While I may not visit as often as I should, I always feel lighter after doing so. Something about being in this house, with two people I know who love me unconditionally and the memories of my mom and my childhood swirling around me. In some weird way it reaffirms my place in the world. While I may not matter to all, to some I mean everything. It’s funny how often we find ourselves needing little reassurances like that.
After making an excuse about being tired, I leave my dad’s a little earlier than I normally would have. As much as I enjoyed myself, the later it got the more anxious I became. So much so that I feel on the verge of having to pull over because I fear I might throw up.
I can’t remember a time I’ve been so nervous to go to a party. It’s just a party. A few friends gathering together to have some drinks and share some laughs. So then why does it feel like this is so much more?
Because you want it to be more.
Damn that voice in my head and how right she always seems to be.
Rolling down the window, I take a deep breath of the warm evening air and instantly feel better. I just need to get out of my head and, like Tina said, let life take me where it wants to.
Unfortunately, sometimes that’s easier said than done. Especially when Abel Collins is involved.
