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Chapter Nineteen
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Iraise my fist tothe front door of Hope’s mom’s house and rap lightly against the thick wood. I have no idea how I ended up here. I wandered aimlessly for hours, running through everything in my head as the fog of the whiskey lifted. I walked for miles to get here, not having one damn idea what to say once I arrived.
Things seemed bad when I was drunk. Now that I’m sober they seem so much worse.
I didn’t have a chance to speak to Hope before she and Henry left the reception. Not long after her altercation with Lucy, she said her goodbyes and snuck out the back entrance with Henry before I had any clue they had left.
The porch light flips on and I immediately take a step back when the door opens and Wendy appears on the other side.
“Alec, what are you doing here? It’s late.”
“I know. I’m sorry to show up like this but I really need to speak to Hope.”
“I’m sorry but she doesn’t want to see you.” Apology lines her face.
“I know. I screwed things up really bad tonight, but Wendy, I have to talk to her. I have to make this right.”
“It’s okay, Mom.” I hear Hope before I see her. Wendy steps to the side to let her daughter pass. Pushing open the screen door, she joins me on the porch, turning her attention back to her mom. “Give us a couple minutes and I’ll come back inside.”
Wendy looks between the two of us, nodding once before closing the door, leaving us alone.
“I’m so sorry, Hope.”
“Don’t.” She shakes her head, sliding past me before taking a seat on the old wood porch swing behind me.
I turn, not moving toward her until she pats the spot next to her. I hesitantly take a seat, careful to keep a few inches of space between us.
She begins to rock us slowly, back and forth, her hands gripping the edge of the swing as she leans slightly forward.
“I didn’t mean...” I try again, only to have Hope cut me off.
“You know, this was always my favorite spot as a child. Whenever I would get upset or need some time to think, I’d come out here. Sometimes I’d swing for hours. I don’t know why, but out here.” She takes a deep inhale of the night air and then blows it out. “Out here I always felt like I could breathe. The world seemed so much bigger than me, yet at the same time, like it belonged to me.”
“What happened tonight...” I start after several beats of silence float between us.
“What happened tonight should have happened a long time ago,” she admits, keeping her gaze forward. “I should have told Lucy how I felt about you from the very beginning, but I didn’t. I could have been honest with her after you two broke up, but I wasn’t. I had the last year to come clean to her about what happened between us. Instead I chose to bury it, to pretend like it didn’t happen even though I think about that night all the time. I don’t regret what happened between us, Alec. I regret hurting Lucy, but not what happened. But it doesn’t change where we are now.”
“And where are we now?” God, I’m so afraid.
“Where we’ve always been. A step too late.” Her eyes lock on mine and there’s so much emotion behind their depths it nearly breaks me.
“But it’s not too late, Hope. We can find a way to fix this. You and Lucy. You and me. Nothing is too late.”
“What’s done is done. I can’t change what happened and I can’t change what I did to Lulu. I have no control over the past, only the future. And this.” She gestures between us. “This won’t work.”
“Why not? Because of Lucy?”
“In part, yes. But also because of our circumstances. You’re here. I’m in New York. That’s not going to change anytime soon.”
“Then I’ll transfer.”
“What?”
I don’t know why she looks so surprised. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve mentioned the idea.
“I’ll transfer. There are plenty of amazing schools in New York. Hell, some of the best. I can transfer.”
