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“But in doing so I’ve messed up so many things. Maybe if I was a little more selfish we wouldn’t be in the mess we’re in right now.”
“Lucy will forgive you.”
“But will you?”
“Are you kidding me?” I slide my hand under her chin and guide her face back in my direction. “There is nothing to forgive.”
“I wish that were true.” She lets out a half sob, half laugh. “I spent the last year trying to pretend like you didn’t exist. I knew it wasn’t working. You were the first person I thought of every morning when I opened my eyes and the last person I thought of every night as I closed them. No matter how hard I tried to push you out, you were always there, reminding me of how much I need you in my life. And still I didn’t reach out. When I saw you today...” She pauses. “It took everything in me not to run into your arms.”
“I wish you would have.”
“Me too.” Her lip twitches.
“I don’t blame you for the last year. I won’t say I wasn’t hurt by your actions, but I get it. It was hell, I won’t lie. Having you and then losing you in almost the same breath gutted me. But more than anything, I missed my friend. I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” Her eyes swim with unshed tears. “So, where do we go from here?”
“That’s easy.”
“It is?” She lets out an uncertain laugh.
“You’re going to go to Italy. You’re going to live out your dream and have the best time of your life. You’re going to fix things with Lucy, because I know you won’t be able to live with yourself if you don’t. And when that’s all over. When you’re finally home, I’ll be here waiting for you.”
“And if I don’t come back here?”
“Wherever you are is where I want to be. I don’t care where that is.”
“We’ve been friends for years, Alec, but we have no idea how we would work as a couple. You can’t make that kind of commitment.”
“Yeah I can. Because I look at you and I know it, Hope Russell. I know it deep in my gut, you are it for me.” I reach out and cup her face, dropping my forehead to hers. “And I will wait a lifetime if that’s what I have to do.” I press a soft kiss to her mouth. The feel of her lips against mine after so long breathes life into my very soul.
This girl... This girl iseverything. Even after a year apart, I still know it without a single ounce of doubt.
“You shouldn’t have to put your life on hold for me.” Hope pulls away too soon, and as much as I want to object the loss of her kiss, I let her go. “I don’t want you to. I want you to live. I want you to love. I want you to have adventures that are all your own. I have to believe that one day, if it’s meant to be, it will be.”
“And so it will.” I smile, brushing my thumb over her bottom lip.
“I love that you’re so sure, but there’s a lot I need to figure out.”
“I know. And I promise I’ll give you the time to do that. We were friends first, Hope. I like to think that we can be that again.”
“So do I.”
“I love you, Hope.”
“I love you too.” She kneads her bottom lip between her teeth. “And now I have to ask you to leave.”
“Leave?” I pull back in shock. This is not where I saw things going in the moment.
“Yes. I need you to leave. Because right now you’re saying everything I want to hear and nothing that I deserve. After everything that happened tonight, I need some time.”
“Hope.”
“Please, Alec. If you stay, I’m afraid I might never leave again. And we both know that’s not an option.”
“I know,” I admit, my chest heavy with dread.
“Please, go.”
“Okay,” I concede, even though it’s the last thing I want to do. “But I meant what I said, Hope. I’m not giving up on you.” I push to a stand but stepping away from Hope feels impossible to do.
“I hope you don’t.” My gaze locks on her one more time.
I take a long moment to study her, not knowing when I’ll see her again.
“Goodbye, Hope,” I finally say.
“Goodbye, Alec.”
Her soft voice carries after me as I descend the steps and, once again, walk away from the one person I can’t bear to be without.
