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“I am.” I can barely get the words out.
She moves her hand faster and for a brief moment I think I might blow another load all over her cute, little fingers.
“I want to feel you, Atlas. All of you.”
“Fuck.” My eyes roll into the back of my head as she lines me at her entrance and slowly guides me inside.
I’ve never felt anything like it before. The warm embrace of her walls cocooning me, pulling me deeper. I groan loud, not able to hold it in this time.
And as I begin to move inside of her, I know I’m a fucking goner. And I do mean a fucking goner. Like I am so fucked that it’s laughable how fucked I am.
Hell...
That’s where I’m going.
Straight to mother fucking hell.
And my best friend is going to be the one to put me there when he finds out that I defiled his sister. That I fucked her so hard thatIsaw stars. That I came so deep inside of her that I never wanted to come back out.
I’m a dead man walking.
Now, ask me how much I care?
——
Barlow is sleepingsoftly on the couch when I pad out to the kitchen just after seven in the morning. Don’t ask me why I’m up so early. I wasn’t able to fall asleep for hours after Barlow left my room. I tossed and turned all night and what little sleep I did get was broken and restless.
On one hand, I was deliriously happy.
On the other, I was riddled with such immense guilt it felt suffocating.
Why?
That’s all I kept asking myself.
Why is it that the one girl that I actually want has to be the sister of my best friend? A guy who is like family. A guy who has been there for me in ways that most people would never understand.
Brennon gave me a place to stay when going home felt impossible. He became my family when the one I was born into no longer felt like one.
And this is how I repay him? By fucking the one girl I promised him I would never touch.
Now granted, we were like eleven at the time and fucking any girl didn’t sound all that appealing, but still, a promise is a promise.
I still remember it like it was yesterday. We were up in the old treehouse, flipping through some stupid magazines Barlow and Zoe had left up there, talking about what kind of girls we liked as we browsed all the actresses that graced the pages. Brennon thought Jennifer Lopez was the hottest while I liked just about every brunette there was. Brennon made a comment about Barlow being a brunette and that I better never want to have sex with her.
I laughed. Like literally rolled on the floor laughing because at the time it was the most absurd thing I had ever heard. I was eleven, after all.
Once I composed myself, I reassured him that I would never be into his sister.
He asked me to promise.
I did.
Why wouldn’t I?
Again, I was eleven. I wasn’t interested in Barlow that way. Hell, I wasn’t interested in any girl that way. Not really.
Had I known then what I know now, I never would have made that promise. Then again, even without that promise, I knew Brennon would never be okay with me pursuing Barlow. She was good and I... Well, I wasn’t.
