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“You can, you just don’t want to.”
“I do want to.” His words are pained.
“Then do it.”
“I can’t.”
“Bullshit!” I spit.
“You don’t understand. Iwillhurt you.”
“And what if I’m willing to take the risk?”
“Why can’t we go back to how things were a few minutes ago? We can forget this conversation ever happened.”
“No, we can’t. Because now I know that this will never be more than sex for you.”
“Barlow...please, I’m not ready to lose you.”
“Then give me more.”
“How?” His expression is so conflicted that it’s almost painful to look at.
“We tell Brennon. We stop hiding. We give whatever this is a fighting chance.”
“And if I don’t agree?” He swallows hard.
“Then this is over.” My chin quivers as I force the words out.
He pushes away from me. A cold breeze slides into the space he just inhabited, chilling me to the bone, though it has nothing to do with the temperature outside.
“Is that really what you want?” He runs both hands through his hair, tugging on the ends.
“You know it isn’t. What I want is you. But I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep lying to my brother. Sneaking around like I’m some dirty little secret of yours.”
“You’re not...”
“I am.”
“You don’t know what you’re asking of me.” He shakes his head slowly, taking one step backward and then two, putting more distance between us.
“I do, actually. And if you felt about me even a fraction of how I feel about you, this wouldn’t even be a discussion.”
“How you feel about me...” It’s not a question but it almost comes out that way, like he’s surprised to hear that I actually have feelings for him. He shakes his head slowly, taking another step back and then another, putting more distance between us. “B, I...”
“Choose, Atlas!” I cut him off, not able to take any more of this emotional torture. “Either you’re in or you’re out. Either you want me or you don’t. Either we’re doing this or we’re not.” I step toward him, eliminating some of the space he’s put between us.
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yes, it is.” I reach out, flattening my hand against his chest. I feel his heart pounding against my palm and I close my eyes for a brief moment, committing the feeling of it to memory. “I’m going to ask you this only once.” My eyes flutter back open. “If your answer is yes, we tell Brennon. If it’s no, I walk away and this is over.” I pause, steadying my breath. “Do you want to be with me?”
He can’t hold my gaze. Hell, he can’t even look at me. And I know what’s coming before he says a single word.
“No.” He pulls my hand away from his chest. “I’m sorry, Barlow. But no.”
Even though I was braced for impact, the force of his words knocks me backward.
I stand there for what feels like hours, taking in his stature, his demeanor, the unreadable mask that has slipped over his face. His lips are tight. His brow furrowed. He’s shutting me out. He’s not going to change his mind. No matter how much I wish he would.
